Breakup advice...

May seem insurmountable at the moment. It's not. The future holds a plethora of things, some will be fantastic, others will not. Many have posted comments that show this.

If I were to go through it again I think I would tell myself to move on faster. Life is not a rehearsal.

Remember the pain is temporary.

Sorry for your pain my friend. Nothing will keep you from experiencing the pain of loss but you have to get through the grieving steps (from shock through acceptance) as quickly as you can so you can soon move into more satisfying relationships in the future. I wouldn’t run from the pain because it will only prolong the grieving process or, worse, get trapped in it. Don't isolate or withdraw; talk to your friends, therapist, family or anyone that has a kind ear. Writing your feelings is very freeing and will give you a different perspective. Don’t blame yourself, practice self-care, get into your routine, don’t lose faith in others, don’t think about getting back together with her or remaining "friends" and remember that no matter what, you learned something and grew from this relationship.

btw- I might drop my therapist - you guys are good

Another thought: Try to negatively reappraise your ex; think of the incompatibilities and unfavorable aspects (annoying habits etc) which might make it easier to let go and realize that a better match may exist.

Sorry to hear, if your ever in south Florida send me a pm and I’ll buy you a beer.

54 years! Cheers for some inspiration

OP...as long as you have no children with her then you’ll be fine in short order and look back amusingly before you know it. Relax, take a vacation, hang out with meaningful people, eat out, hit the gym, or anything else that’s enjoyable but not destructive. Learn from any mistakes. It’s normal to feel down but if you find yourself wallowing in sadness quickly find something productive and enjoyable.

If you have children with her then consider legal counsel and take care of yourself and children as best you can. They’ll always be a part of your life if you remain there for them.

We just celebrated our 28th but I had some rocky steps getting to this woman. I lived with a woman I met in college for four years, then realized she was terribly needy and would boost my ego by always screwing things up and have me come to the rescue. I eventually realized that she was a resource sponge and that I was better off alone. She was hard to get over because we had such large intentions while in college.

I did realize from the experience that people grow and change dramatically between 20 and 30.

In the process of finding my wife, I went from bad relationships to worse, but none that really clicked. I realized that I just might not have a mate to share life with and pretty much gave up trying. Then she came into my life, first sharing work projects (turns out a couple bosses were setting us up), then casual recreation, some personal projects (again, the hero to the rescue, but very cautiously this time). I remember finishing up some project and she asked me if I wanted to go shoot some pool. Huh?

Well I was a pretty good shark then as I often busied myself in the apartment amusement room shooting pool with other bachelors in my same boat, so I said, "sure but I've never played in a pool hall before." She brought her own cue on our first "date" and at the end of the night I watched her prance around the table and thought "I wonder if this is going to be my wife?"

Thanks for the discussion, I haven't thought about that night in probably twenty years. I guess my point is, there's the right one out there for you, it just takes a fair bit of fishing. Try not to reflect on the previous mate, it spoils your outlook ahead. I know it's tough, but don't take that baggage into the next relationship; it will only spoil it.

7 years. I met her when I was 20. Took me 8 years to walk out the dark shadow. Time will help. You got family, people that love you. Take care

@64Wing: unless you have children with her quit all communication with her for the foreseeable future. Tend to yourself. She made the decision for you. Don’t reconcile unless you know with certainty you’re at fault and have corrected the issue.

For the OP, a lot of us have been there.. I recommend going on youtube and researching a man named Popp....

@64Wing - i was going to ask how old you are, but i found a pic you'd posted with Jim Lovell and it seems like you're a relatively young guy (which is a good thing).

I had a five year relationship end in my mid-twenties. It absolutely destroyed me at the time - I 100% thought she was the one. Sometimes one person figures out that it's not right before the other (it was the case for me, and it sounds like, for you as well). Do not blame yourself; and, as hard as it may be, don't blame her either. This pain is temporary but one thing that will stick with you forever is how you react and respond. The character you show.... if there's one thing you can and should do, it's to act honourably in this situation. Be respectful, be at least outwardly empathetic... act in a way that, when you look back in 5, 10, 15 years, you feel proud of yourself for the way that you handled a difficult thing- after all, that's all that you can control in this situation.

Do not look at her social media, turn off any and all contact. If/when you run into her randomly walking out of a Starbucks, it will destroy you for a moment... that's ok. It's going to take you awhile to feel better - in the meantime, make yourself the project. Exercise, eat better, buy some newer clothes, go to therapy (such an important thing - it's an investment in you)... do something you've been wanting to do for awhile but haven't (read more, join a softball team, go to improv classes (assuming you can with COVID), teach yourself to cook....do something to improve you that's fun). These are all things that will make you feel better, will help you meet people and allow you to use this painful time for good.

I ended up meeting the woman I'm married to 15 months after my breakup. She's absolutely the right person; and, despite how i felt at the time, the girl that broke my heart wasn't the right person - she just saw that first.

You will come through this; treat it as a wake-up call and an opportunity to make yourself better. Don't get too down - this is part of life and she has done you a favour, despite it likely not feeling like that right now. There are no winners and losers. Your friends will not think less of you; people have short memories. One step at time, one foot in front of the other, keep moving forward and you'll come out the other side stronger than you ever were before. Good luck and hang in there....