Hey ... you only get one family.

 

This is an important aspect. I went to the doctor a few years ago as I just couldn't get up the energy anymore, mood sinking, etc. he did battery of tests....found low Vitamin B, Vitamin D, Low calcium, Low Testosterone.

Turns out not only are these potentially genetic, but they are related. All things being equal, if BCD are good, T should be good as well(calcium assists in D absorption, and both B and D help boost T). PICK YOUR DOCTOR CAREFULLY. This doctors best advise was to prescribe antidepressives. Phooey. Went to new doctor and he said natural cures should do it. Better diet, B supplements, Calcium supplements, D Supplements, get outside more and exercise regularly(aerobic AND weights). It took a few months but problem solved, all went to normal ranges, including Testosterone. BTW, I talked to my dad and he said the same thing happened to him 30 years ago and that was the same solution. He takes the same supplements and walks several miles outdoors every single day. He was surprised to find I was the same, but it is no surprise really that this would run in families, and in fact is very common of middle/late middle age men. A lot of middle age depression is from these factors, and this simple solution is easy and definitely can't hurt as a first pass. It does require a lifestyle change, but when you feel that bad, it's easy compared to the alternative.

BTW, I highly recommend a book called Spark by John Ratey. Decades of research proving the absolute connection between body health and brain health. You won't look at yourself the same way after reading this.

https://www.amazon.com/Spark-Revolu...?ie=UTF8&qid=1499260617&sr=8-2&keywords=spark

 

@Wryfox thanks for the advice (book), already ordered!

Yes that's true, also Vitamins BC are linked to D.
I have always underestimated the power of a good diet, regular exercise and meditation, but once I started I could not turn back as my mood and wellbeing changes radically.

Exercise is medicine, as somebody said

 

I've only just recently found this thread. A big thanks to Norman for starting it. This is my 400th post, so I wanted to make it a good one. I've not spoken about these things (online) before.

On the 29th December 2015 we lost our son. He died in my arms at 19 hours old. He was a full term baby, and should have been perfectly healthy, but an undiagnosed condition affecting his placenta caused him to lose half his blood during birth. The condition, called vasa praevia, can be detected, but the NHS don't scan for it routinely. If he'd had a scheduled C-section, he'd be with us today.

Neonatal death, stillbirth and miscarriage are taboo in our society. People don't know how to deal with these things, so they avoid them. This means that someone who has lost a child is usually left to suffer in silence. When others are talking about their children, it's not easy to raise the fact that I was, and still am, a father - people are terrified by the idea that such things could happen to them. It'll quickly kill a conversation.

The support we received after losing James was terrible. The local healthcare authority neglected to give my wife the support visits to which she was entitled - the ones designed to check all mothers for postnatal depression. Overwhelming grief is a terrible debilitating thing, and of course a huge risk factor for mental health issues such as depression. We found help ourselves, but were offered nothing.

The following twelve months were largely a "lost year", a time for survival. I still bear the psychological scars - my personality is different, far more reserved and formal, particularly around strangers. Huge walls have been thrown up around my grief and anger, to keep them in check, and other aspects got locked away too. I'm pretty sure it drives my boss mad - he thinks I'm not passionate, but he couldn't be more wrong. It's just the trivial things in life pale into insignificance with the perspective I now have.

If you ever end up a position like mine, talk to someone. Get counselling - keep talking. Deal with the anger particularly or it'll tear you apart.

If you know anyone in this position, talk to them occasionally about their child. They'll appreciate it. Don't be scared of making them cry - they may well do - but they won't hate you for it. To hear their child's name from someone else is a relief - a sign they are not forgotten. I will talk about my son to anyone, anytime, and at length, even though the memories can be terribly sad and difficult.

Lastly, there's no time frame on that last paragraph. The grief doesn't really lessen with time. A year on from my son's death we noticed the words of concern and reassurance dry up from our friends and family - people assume you are over it. But time doesn't really heal, not fully.

James Neil George, born 3.09am, died 10.15pm on the 29th December 2015.

 

There are no words Mark.

Much love to you and yours.

 

Your pain is unimaginable, my heartfelt sympathies to you and your wife.

 

Nothing truer can be said. I can't imagine the pain that has caused. I can only offer my deepest sympathies.

 

Thanks for sharing this post your courage has been incredible.... I wish you and your family all the best for 2017...

 

My heart felt sympathy goes out to you and your wife....

 

[QUOTE="
James Neil George, born 3.09am, died 10.15pm on the 29th December 2015.

View attachment 412791 [/QUOTE]

James Neil George, loved forever.

Forgive me if this may be forward, cultural differences may be at play here; I wish I could give you a hug. Physical interactions do help.

I wish for peace for you, your wife and James.

 

Fuck me! I went through a shitty divorce and lost about everything and felt sorry for myself.

Your heartbreaking story, and others like it, make me feel ashamed for my self pity and what I thought was "depression".

I wish I could take you down to the local and have a few ales, or to a gun range and let off a few, or to a boat building workshop and spend a few hours with a plane and a spokeshave.

These fleeting moments won't ever help you get over your loss, but maybe the concentration of doing something like that for an hour or two may blunt the pain for a while.

As I can't do any of those things with you, all I can do is give your post a like. It's the sincerest one I've given for quite some time.

 

There are some very brave people here and some very moving stories. We've a daughter who suffers from bipolar and I've seen and experienced the fallout within her own and our family. It can be pretty grim for all. In the UK at least the support for people with bipolar is pretty much non existent in her experience, so most of the help she needs comes from us, her parents and brother, while the fallout descends on her two young daughters. It can sometimes be a bit chaotic but when all is working as it's supposed to life can still be pretty amazing and she is after all our little girl.

 

Wow! You've opened my eye's. I wish you well. You're a BRAVE Soul. Damn!!.....Did I say Thanks?.......That was an outstanding description.

 

Look what I got...

 

Now alberto, I expect to see that book dog-eared in a few weeks....

 

quote:
[snip]

It’s something I’ve battled most of my life in one form or another, although I didn’t have a name or diagnosis for it until my mid thirties. Held in check for many years by antidepressant medication, it descended upon me in 2016 with a viciousness, like never before. It’s been brutal and debilitating, with unbearable darkness, sucking every bit of joy from my life.

One thing depression doesn’t do is discriminate. It doesn’t care how old you are or where you live, how much money you make or what color you are, it doesn’t care if you are a man or a woman or what kind of watch you wear, it's an equal opportunity disease.



And last but not least it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's not a weakness or a defect it's just part of some of us.
[snip]

I didn't think my first post to the forum would be in this thread but I felt compelled to add my thoughts here.
Like the OP, I too am affected by depressive illness. I lost 2+ years to an episode of clinical depression in the early 90's. Depression does not discriminate and can affect anyone. I am here today because of a family intervention during the worst part of my illness.

It is critically important for all to be aware of depression, not just for ourselves but for our loved ones.
If you know someone who battles depressive illness, please help them help themselves by making sure they get treatment from a medical professional.

I know my screen name and avatar do not match the seriousness of this topic, but perhaps they will give a moment of levity to a serious subject.
Thanks to Omega Forums for hosting this discussion.

Jon

 

Welcome to OF!

 

@cicindela or someone can we get this bot blocked?