There are many among us who have suffered a loss such as yours. Many of us have felt the feelings you are feeling now. Our thoughts are with you.
I lost my younger sister eight years ago. My parents, 44 years ago. While they are all gone, in my weaker moments, I still long to be in touch with them. Those feelings stay with many of us. My sister spent over 20 years gradually deteriorating. In 2012, we had just arrived back from 3 weeks in Europe to the news that she was in hospital, gravely ill. We resisted the urge to make the 2,800 mile trip to see her because we were experiencing flu symptoms. On the very day she died, she was diagnosed as having had ALS. Lou Gehrig Syndrome, for which there is no cure. We didn’t get to visit her, though we were at her celebration of life.
Concerning your own health. For your sake and the sake of your family, do your best to recover your own good health.