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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics]

Darlinboy
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Said Fred to his buddy Ned, "When I woke this morning and got up to make breakfast, I found my girlfriend had packed up her things and left me a note on the fridge."

"What did it say?" Ned asked.

"The note said “Fred - This is not working, goodbye!", Fred told him, then continued, "But when I opened the fridge, it was working just fine!"
 
Zdzislaw
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Pun Pun
I didn't get spanked yet I've huge respect for others. Yours appeared to be a strange case...
This comment sounds a little disrespectful to me... 😉
 
Pun
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Zdzislaw Zdzislaw
This comment sounds a little disrespectful to me... 😉
It took a long time for disrespect to reach you..😀
 
Darlinboy
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If you don't like a joke, don't "like" it... or better yet tell one of your own. Speaking of which...

A king summons three of his subjects to a meeting.

The king asks the first to approach the throne.

"Rand, kiss my hand!" he orders.

Rand obeys him and kisses his hand.

The king looks at the second subject and motions him forward.

"Lee, kiss my knee!"

Lee obeys and kisses his king's knee.

The king then turns toward the third to wave him up, but instead finds the man running away as fast as he can.

"Mick! shouts the king, "Where are you going??!!"
Edited:
 
ikanbilisclub
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I recently accompanied my friend to buy an El Primero from a local boutique that was going to be his wedding watch.

Couldn't resist trying on the Lange moon phase and sent a wrist shot to my wife.

IMG_20210228_164538.jpg


This was her reply,

Screenshot_20210309_112127.jpg


(yes she did watch Talking Watches with me, mainly because she's a huge Mayer fan)
 
Engee
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I honestly couldn’t care less about the royal family soap opera, but really, did they have to position her under a tree for the interview?
 
117AC48F-402B-4028-9DFF-CCBB34D6ED42.jpeg
Darlinboy
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redpcar redpcar
Happy Birthday Chuck

Uh Oh... you can’t have just one Chuck Norris, they tend to multiply. Speaking of which...


Chuck Norris’ tears cure Covid-19.

Too bad he has never cried.
 
JimInOz
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Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
 
Syzygy
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jshopper1 jshopper1
Sorry about that. Didn’t intend to post anything. No idea how it happened. Must have touched the wrong button.

That's what she said! ::rimshot::
 
Darlinboy
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Chuck Norris built the hospital that he was born in.

And drove his mother home the day he was born.
 
RonJ
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I wonder if the sheets in the hotel room were white satin?

room-for-two-nights.jpg
 
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