Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

JimInOz
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My Girl friend found lipstick in my pocket.
I confessed straight up that I had been cheating on her.



No way I was telling her I sold Avon.
 
michael22
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2,002
JimInOz JimInOz
My Girl friend found lipstick in my pocket.
I confessed straight up that I had been cheating on her.



No way I was telling her I sold Avon.
Great way to meet women.
 
Vercingetorix
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6,759
This is actually true. In the middle of the night at the 24 hours of Daytona, my buddy and started talking to a guy while sitting on the bleachers. He told us he had to tell his wife he was going to visit his girlfriend, because his wife did not want him to go to the track. 🤦
 
staristheanswer
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1,054
A man was called as a witness to the court room.

Judge - "Tell us what you saw?"

Witness - "What can I say your honor.I was riding my car and suddenly I needed to pee
so I stopped my car and went to the bushes and what I saw,the lady sitting behind me and
the gentleman next to her,were fυcking!"

Judge - "WHAT KINDA OF LANGUAGE IS THIS YOU ARE USING IN THE COURT ROOM?
You can say it in a more polite way,they were having intercourse."

Witness - "I'm sorry your honor.I'll start again.
As I was saying I was riding my car and I needed to pee so I stopped my car and went to the bushes
and what I saw.the lady and the gentleman next to her were having, hmm.... intercourse.
I saw a little better,they were fυcking!"
 
Mad Dog
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78,230
Q: What do you call a skateboard that is NOT yours?

A: Nacho skateboard.

19E6A843-75E3-4302-A02F-74257B1980D7.jpeg F22483F0-362F-4154-B132-40B3344D43C9.jpeg


NOTE Alpha: Pics are from today at the skatepark. 👍

NOTE Bravo: Yellow blocking placards have been installed for various tactical reasons. 👍

NOTE Charlie: I wish that was my skateboard...but I wouldn’t take it to Church...even with the yellow “censored” placard installed. 👍
Edited:
 
Mad Dog
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DaveK DaveK
As seen in my vet's office...

horse.jpg
OK...I’m still on the floor laughing...that’s pretty freaking funny. 👍
 
M'Bob
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23,210
As told to me by the local postal clerk, Joe:

A small boy was wandering around the grounds of a carnival, obviously lost. A man comes up to him and asks what the problem is:

"I can't find my parents," says the little boy.

"Okay," says the man."Take my hand and we'll go to the information booth."

A couple of hours later, they are walking in a very dark forest. The little boy looks up and says, "Hey mister, I'm scared."

The man says, "You're scared - I gotta walk out of here alone!"
Edited:
 
Darlinboy
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16 sodium atoms walk into a bar...

followed by Batman.

::rimshot::
 
Darlinboy
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Q: What is this?
clinton in the bushes.jpg

A. ??
Peemacgee Peemacgee
A bird in the hand is worth two in the Bush....
Peemacgee Peemacgee
A bird in the hand is worth two in the Bush....
Not bad, but you're not quite there. 🍿
STANDY STANDY
Looks like they left room for another statue 😗
It's not a hereditary post!
JimInOz JimInOz
A memorial to exactly 20 years of relative stability for the USA.
Those were the days...
3nicewatches 3nicewatches
The clint?
He's definitely in the photo and... wait for it...

A. It's Clinton, hiding in the Bushes!
::rimshot::
Edited:
 
Peemacgee
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9,709
Darlinboy Darlinboy
Q: What is this?
clinton in the bushes.jpg

A. ??

A bird in the hand is worth two in the Bush....
 
kokose7en
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94
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?









Because he needed some SPACE!!!
*(While wearing his Moonwatch)
 
STANDY
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47,892
Darlinboy Darlinboy
Q: What is this?
clinton in the bushes.jpg

A. ??

Not bad, but you're not quite there. 🍿

Looks like they left room for another statue 😗
 
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