Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

JimInOz
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How do you determine how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
 
time flies
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JimInOz JimInOz
How do you determine how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
I got it.

You're having fun.
kfw
 
Darlinboy
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A woman came home, screeched her car to a stop in the driveway, flung open the door and and ran into the house shouting to her husband, “John, quick - pack your bags. I just won the lottery!!”


“Holy crap!” said her husband, visions of a celebratory getaway running through his head, “What should I pack?”


“'Doesn't matter,” she replied, “Just get the 🤬 out of here!!”
 
RI Omega Fan
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A snail was attacked by a gang of turtles.

When questioned later by the police as to what happened, the snail replied,

“I don’t know. It all happened so fast!”
 
Canuck
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One less Land Rover. That can only be a good thing!
 
Wryfox
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To the guy who stole all my anti-depressants....I hope you're happy now.
 
Wryfox
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My doctor says to me.."you're a hypochondriac".

I said.."jeez, not that too!"
 
Darlinboy
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Did you hear about the Aussie monkeys who shared an Amazon account?


They were Prime mates.

::rimshot::
Edited:
 
STANDY
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Bruce the Aussie builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it. She was telling him what colour to paint each room. They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue."

The builder went to the front door and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!" When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

When he came back, the woman said "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell 'green side up' - what is that for?" The builder said, "Don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Kiwis laying the turf out front."
 
mblease
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I doodled this today.

Thinking that the combined brains of OF members could come up with a pretty good caption!

Suggestions below please!
 
Moonwatch.JPG
w154
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Right... every action has an equal and opposite reaction so if I just do a huge fart... pffffffffffft... oh crap, I forgot I’m wearing a spacesuit... aargh 🤮
 
jimmyd13
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Realising his mistakes, and with his air supply quickly diminishing due to the lack of gloves, Geoff still decided to chase his errant Speedmaster despite the lack of a tether. Thus becoming the first, and shortest lived, honorary OF member.
 
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