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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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Wryfox
·
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Wryfox
·
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Wryfox
·
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Wryfox
·
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JimInOz
··Melbourne Australia
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Charlemagne1333
·
Stevie Nicks?
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JimInOz
··Melbourne AustraliaInsanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
Sam Levenson
He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything - that clearly points to a political career.
George Bernard Shaw
Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
I had plastic surgery last week - I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?
Benny Hill
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron?
George Carlin
Sam Levenson
He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything - that clearly points to a political career.
George Bernard Shaw
Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
I had plastic surgery last week - I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?
Benny Hill
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron?
George Carlin
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lindo
·More in the same vein.....
As I sat, strapped in my seat waiting during the countdown, one thought kept crossing my mind ... every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
-John Glenn
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land.
They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
- Bishop Desmond Tutu
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
- David Letterman
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I'm a billionaire.
- Howard Hughes
After the game, the King and the Pawn go into the same box.
- Italian proverb
I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
- Prince Philip
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
- Harrison Ford
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
- Robin Hall
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
- Jean Rostand.
Having more money doesn't make you happier.
I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger.
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
- W. H. Auden
If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
- Johnny Carson
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
- Steve Martin
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
- George Roberts
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
- Jonathan Winter
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
- Robert Benchley
As I sat, strapped in my seat waiting during the countdown, one thought kept crossing my mind ... every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
-John Glenn
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land.
They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
- Bishop Desmond Tutu
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
- David Letterman
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I'm a billionaire.
- Howard Hughes
After the game, the King and the Pawn go into the same box.
- Italian proverb
I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
- Prince Philip
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
- Harrison Ford
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
- Robin Hall
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
- Jean Rostand.
Having more money doesn't make you happier.
I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger.
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
- W. H. Auden
If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
- Johnny Carson
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
- Steve Martin
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
- George Roberts
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
- Jonathan Winter
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
- Robert Benchley
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- 3,153
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- 14,784
Wryfox
·
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