Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

JimInOz
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I dug up what I thought was an onion out of the garden and used it in a stir fry.......
So now I'm in hospital cause it was actually a daffodil.....
The doctor said I should be out in spring.....
 
Wryfox
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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits...

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and
took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

::rimshot::
 
hen
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Despite being 60 i have sex almost every day.
Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost........
 
Subspecies
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Went to the doctor and told him that I have hereditary diarrhea. He told me that diarrhea wasn't hereditary. I said, well it's in my jeans...
 
p4ul
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I had some people round for dinner last night, and I tried to impress them with a sauce created from vodka, gravy and nitrous oxide. But all I've done is make myself an absolut laughing stock.
 
Wryfox
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I've been married 35years and in all that time I told my wife don't look in the safe.

I went to the bar one night and she looked in the safe.

When I came home she says she looked in the safe.

I said I told you not to look in the safe.

Says says well I did and there's $40,000 and 3 eggs. What are the eggs for?

I said well every time I slept with another man's wife I put an egg in there.

She said well I guess in 35years three times isn't terrible....

I said well everytime I got a dozen I sold em and that's where the money comes from....


::rimshot::
 
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