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hen
·
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
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jsducote
·
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Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker
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p4ul
·
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Pun
·
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hen
·
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Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker
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Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker
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Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker
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DaveK
·Since I’ve just been shopping, given the two options, I’d take the year’s worth of groceries
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Pastorbottle
·
Just wait until they discover the true horror of the occasion!
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hen
·
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RI Omega Fan
·
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Pastorbottle
·
When I was a kid we found this mannequin head, it had hair, eyes, lips etc, and looked realistic if you didn't inspect it too close. we would set it up in all sorts of situations to scare the bejesus out of anyone who'd see it......we even stuck it on a pole so we could hold it up to 2nd floor windows!
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Wryfox
·Earlier today I was riding my motorcycle, and to avoid hitting a dog, I lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road, and a very beautiful woman asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed, she wanted to help me. "I'm okay, I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of her car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come on, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very kind. Being sort of shaken , I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold drinks and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch, I guess.”
I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road, and a very beautiful woman asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed, she wanted to help me. "I'm okay, I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of her car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come on, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very kind. Being sort of shaken , I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold drinks and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch, I guess.”
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lindo
·A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those
blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him." He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire-fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those
blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him." He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire-fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
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Archer
··Omega Qualified WatchmakerSmall print says "Age of majority residents of Canada only (excluding Quebec)"