Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

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Brilliant, can't wait to get hold of one of my workmate's tape measures!
You evil genius! I have just the right mate for this prank.
 
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Engaging whist in that position probably wouldn't help....... I imagine spitting out might be difficult!
 
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I've heard engaging in this pastime can sometimes, under certain circumstances, fill one up with water.....from the wrong end! 😳😱😵‍💫
A least that's what experienced practitioners have told me........that put me right off!
 
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A hypochondriac is a person who wants to have his ache, and treat it too.
 
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I went to an archeology party recently where they were uncovering the lower part of a human leg. It was quite the shindig…