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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

blufinz52
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It's illegal to laugh loudly in Hawaii.
You have to keep it to a low ha.
 
Speed2Sea
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I was at Walmart this morning and yelled "PUT IT BACK! Three people ran out the front door.
 
BlackTalon
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hen hen
Do you remember Gary Larsson's The far side?
I do not find that funny. Years ago a dingo ate my baby. Very traumatic.
 
pdxleaf
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blufinz52 blufinz52
This is not really a joke, but I feel I have to tell this. A very good friend and former coworker is in charge of the Parking Bureau in a NH city. They had given a woman a ticket for an expired handicap placard. She went in to contest the ticket and this was the conversation with my friend.

Woman: "I need to renew this expired handicap tag. I have the tag for my husband, who was in the car when I got the ticket"

My friend had checked the local obits before the woman arrived and found the husband had died 2 years previous.

Friend: "You say your husband was in the car? Hasn't he passed away?"

Woman: "Yes, but I have his ashes in an urn and it was in the car. I should be able to use the handicap tag if I have the urn in the car."

Final disposition: woman paid a $250 fine.


There is justice in America! It's in the Parking Bureau in a city in New Hampshire.
 
EuroDriver
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A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like hillbillies.

The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reachd over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed it's butt, and said, "This duck ain't from West Virginia. This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentucky hunting license, boy?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed it's butt, and said, "This ain't no Kentucky duck. This duck's from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee licence?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license.

The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck. "This duck's from Virginia. You got a Virginia hunting license?"
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly, "Just where the hell are you from?"

The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, "You tell me, you're the expert!"
 
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