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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

RI Omega Fan
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pdxleaf pdxleaf
Wife is number ten? Disturbing in so many ways.

Not sure if you’re being serious here, but obviously she’s pregnant with #10.
 
ahartfie
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Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.

Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.

The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss, so much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today.

It is known, of course, as ... Sinko de Mayo.
 
JimInOz
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An American, a Brit, a Canadian, a Dane, an Ethiopian, a Frenchman, a Greek, a Haitian, an Irishman, a Jew, a Kiwi, a Lithuanian, a Mongolian, a Nigerian, an Omani, a Peruvian, a Qatari, a Roman, a Scotsman, a Uruguayan, a Venezuelan, a Western Saharan, a Yemeni, and a Zimbabwean casually get inline for a swanky night club.

The doorman says,

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you in without a Thai."
 
Pun
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*POLYGAMY IN MALAYSIA*
A Female Professor was invited for a lecture and the topic she chose to talk about was polygamy.

She talked on the benefits of polygamy, why women should embrace it and support their husbands towards achieving it.

As she kept emphasising on this topic, a lady from the audience raised her hand, stood up and introduced herself before speaking.

Lady: "Professor, I really appreciate this topic because am relieved of my fear, I never knew you are this simple and understanding. Your message has given me the opportunity to open up to you,"

She cleared her throat and continued....
“I have been married to your husband for the past four years, and between us, we have a set of twins "

To the greatest surprise of all in the hall, the Professor fainted and was rushed to the hospital.

After she was revived, she opened her eyes to see same lady standing by her bedside.

Lady: Professor I don't know who your husband is. I just lied to you to see if you can handle what you preach to others. Next time, please pick on subjects that you are good at. Don’t stand up on a stage and throw your shit around just because you have the title Professor in front of your name.
 
Tony C.
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"I think anyone who’s perfectly happy isn’t particularly funny."

- Joan Rivers, 1933-2014
 
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