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time flies
·Another drummer joke...
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
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time flies
·How do you know a stagehand is dead?
He drops his donut....
But don't worry. The teamster catches it before it hits the stage
He drops his donut....
But don't worry. The teamster catches it before it hits the stage
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dennisthemenace
·How do you know when a Jersey girl is having an orgasm?
She drops her bag of chips.
How does a Jersey mother know when her daughter is having her period?
She drops her bag of chips.
How does a Jersey mother know when her daughter is having her period?
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JimInOz
··Melbourne AustraliaViolin/Fiddle versus Viola related jokes.
I think @Canuck is more of a fiddle player, but here's some for him.
How can you tell if a violist is playing out of tune?
You can see the bow moving.
One more......................
How do you get two violists to play in tune with each other?
Ask one to leave.
OK, last one...................
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
You don't spill beer on a violin!
I think @Canuck is more of a fiddle player, but here's some for him.
How can you tell if a violist is playing out of tune?
You can see the bow moving.
One more......................
How do you get two violists to play in tune with each other?
Ask one to leave.
OK, last one...................
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
You don't spill beer on a violin!
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Mad Dog
·Q: How much will the first [and subsequent] Mad Dog Flieger Specials cost when they become available in 13.5 years.
A: It will cost Mad Dog $5 per watch...Mad Dog will pay you $5 to acquire the first [and subsequent] Mad Dog Flieger Specials.
A: It will cost Mad Dog $5 per watch...Mad Dog will pay you $5 to acquire the first [and subsequent] Mad Dog Flieger Specials.
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Canuck
·Why do people have tears when you chop up an onion, but not when you chop up a violin? Or bagpipes!
The difference between a violin and a fiddle? A violin has strings. A fiddle has strangs! (sic)
Best way to clear a room? Let fly with one, or pick up a fiddle.
Can you play in A flat? Answer: Gimme the key and I’ll play in any flat!
The difference between a violin and a fiddle? A violin has strings. A fiddle has strangs! (sic)
Best way to clear a room? Let fly with one, or pick up a fiddle.
Can you play in A flat? Answer: Gimme the key and I’ll play in any flat!
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sjg22
·Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.
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akshayluc420
·C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar together.
The bartender shows them the door and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
The bartender shows them the door and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
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Gil
·A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says 'Why the long face'?
So that same horse walks into another bar. The barman says “Aren’t you the horse out of that other joke?”
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Marku
·The bad news is I can’t find my proper Ouija board, but the good news is the spirits say I’m going to buy a house in Mayfair for £200
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Edward53
·- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- The Rude Interrupter.
- The Rude Inter-
- Shut The F- Up!!!
- Who's there?
- The Rude Interrupter.
- The Rude Inter-
- Shut The F- Up!!!
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Edward53
·- Have you heard the Irish Knock Knock joke?
- No I haven't.
- Ok, you start.
- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- No I haven't.
- Ok, you start.
- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
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time flies
·One for my guitar playing friends...
What do you throw to a drowning guitar player?
His amplifier
Perhaps you'll prefer this one...
Why don't sound guys ever count to four?
Because on four the drummer starts in.
Have fun
kfw
What do you throw to a drowning guitar player?
His amplifier
Perhaps you'll prefer this one...
Why don't sound guys ever count to four?
Because on four the drummer starts in.
Have fun
kfw
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time flies
·Maybe this one?
A famous international rock group touring the world is currently enjoying a day off in a popular coastal resort town somewhere in the world. The production manager, the backline tech and the head rigger are enjoying a walk on the beach when the rigger stumbles on a glass bottle sealed with a cork . The tech reaches down, picks up the bottle and removes the cork freeing a magic genie confined within. As a reward for freeing him the genie offers each a single wish. The backline tech says he wants to play guitar with Jimi Hendrix. "Done" says the genie and the tech is gone. The rigger says he wants to be on a boat in the Med drinking umbrella drinks served by young beautiful naked girls. "Done" says the genie and the rigger is gone. Next is the production manager. "What is your wish?" asks the genie. The PM thinks a moment and replies " I want them back by show time tomorrow "
Have fun
kfw
A famous international rock group touring the world is currently enjoying a day off in a popular coastal resort town somewhere in the world. The production manager, the backline tech and the head rigger are enjoying a walk on the beach when the rigger stumbles on a glass bottle sealed with a cork . The tech reaches down, picks up the bottle and removes the cork freeing a magic genie confined within. As a reward for freeing him the genie offers each a single wish. The backline tech says he wants to play guitar with Jimi Hendrix. "Done" says the genie and the tech is gone. The rigger says he wants to be on a boat in the Med drinking umbrella drinks served by young beautiful naked girls. "Done" says the genie and the rigger is gone. Next is the production manager. "What is your wish?" asks the genie. The PM thinks a moment and replies " I want them back by show time tomorrow "
Have fun
kfw
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sjg22
·Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while, he’d hear an internal, reassuring voice that said, “Dave, don’t worry about it. You’re not the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Just let it go.” But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, whispering “Dave, you’re a vet…”
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staristheanswer
·🤦
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M'Bob
·A guy brings some items up to the register at a hardware store, and notices a jar of frogs up on a shelf with a sign that says, "Frogs, $100.00 a piece."
The customer asks the guy behind the counter: "Hey pal, why are these frogs so expensive?"
The salesperson replies, "Why? Because they will give you the best blow-job you ever had." The customer looks dubious. "No; it's true, " the salesperson continues. "As a matter of fact, if you buy one, and take it home, and if what I said isn't true, you can bring it back for a full refund." The man buys a frog, and leaves.
The next day, the man comes back to the store to buy some other items and sees the same clerk. "Are you here to return the frog?" The man says, "Hell no!"
Later that night, the man is in his kitchen, with the frog on the counter, and there is food around, cookbooks open, pots boiling, and things frying and baking in the oven. His wife walks in.
"What the hell is going on here? This place is a damn mess! You better clean it up but fast!"
The guy just smiles, and says, "Listen, bitch; if I can teach this frog to cook, you are history."
The customer asks the guy behind the counter: "Hey pal, why are these frogs so expensive?"
The salesperson replies, "Why? Because they will give you the best blow-job you ever had." The customer looks dubious. "No; it's true, " the salesperson continues. "As a matter of fact, if you buy one, and take it home, and if what I said isn't true, you can bring it back for a full refund." The man buys a frog, and leaves.
The next day, the man comes back to the store to buy some other items and sees the same clerk. "Are you here to return the frog?" The man says, "Hell no!"
Later that night, the man is in his kitchen, with the frog on the counter, and there is food around, cookbooks open, pots boiling, and things frying and baking in the oven. His wife walks in.
"What the hell is going on here? This place is a damn mess! You better clean it up but fast!"
The guy just smiles, and says, "Listen, bitch; if I can teach this frog to cook, you are history."
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UncleBuck
··understands the decision making hierarchy
Your best one!
A 50 post bonus for you (in my book).
A 50 post bonus for you (in my book).
