- Posts
- 3,330
- Likes
- 8,772
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
- Posts
- 6,724
- Likes
- 12,352
- Posts
- 3,045
- Likes
- 14,193
Wryfox
·
- Posts
- 3,045
- Likes
- 14,193
Wryfox
·
- Posts
- 688
- Likes
- 2,733
- Posts
- 8,004
- Likes
- 28,102
Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
- Posts
- 3,045
- Likes
- 14,193
Wryfox
·No it's not.....
- Posts
- 8,004
- Likes
- 28,102
Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
- Posts
- 7,111
- Likes
- 23,093
M'Bob
·St. Peter’s underling informs him that they’re running out of room, and can only accept entrants with interesting or unusual causes of death.. They send in the first guy for assessment:
“So I came home early from work, and my wife was in bed naked andi spot some guy’s clothes on the floor. So I ran around the house looking for him, and then went on the porch where I saw him hanging off the ledge by his fingertips. I grabbed a hammer and slammed his fingers, and he fell to the ground…but he still wasn’t dead. There’s an old fridge we keep on the porch, and it was really heavy but I was so mad I pushed it over the railing and it fell right on top of him. Then I had this heart attack right after and died.”
“Well,” says St. Peter. “We usually don’t condone murder around here, but it was a crime I’d passion, so we’ll let it slide.”
The next guy steps up: “So, I’m on the penthouse of my apartment building working out, and I got distracted doing calisthenics and fell over the railing, grabbing a ledge on the apartment below, when some nut smashes my fingers with a hammer, and I plunge to my death.”
“Interesting,” says St. Peter. “Yes; you’re in.”
A third guy arrives at the gate, stark naked.
“What’s your story, “ St. Peter says.
“Well,” says the guy.”I was hiding in this refrigerator…
“So I came home early from work, and my wife was in bed naked andi spot some guy’s clothes on the floor. So I ran around the house looking for him, and then went on the porch where I saw him hanging off the ledge by his fingertips. I grabbed a hammer and slammed his fingers, and he fell to the ground…but he still wasn’t dead. There’s an old fridge we keep on the porch, and it was really heavy but I was so mad I pushed it over the railing and it fell right on top of him. Then I had this heart attack right after and died.”
“Well,” says St. Peter. “We usually don’t condone murder around here, but it was a crime I’d passion, so we’ll let it slide.”
The next guy steps up: “So, I’m on the penthouse of my apartment building working out, and I got distracted doing calisthenics and fell over the railing, grabbing a ledge on the apartment below, when some nut smashes my fingers with a hammer, and I plunge to my death.”
“Interesting,” says St. Peter. “Yes; you’re in.”
A third guy arrives at the gate, stark naked.
“What’s your story, “ St. Peter says.
“Well,” says the guy.”I was hiding in this refrigerator…
- Posts
- 29,244
- Likes
- 75,639
Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker
- Posts
- 3,045
- Likes
- 14,193
Wryfox
·I grew up in the 80s where men were men and women were.....wait a minute
- Posts
- 1,781
- Likes
- 4,272
p4ul
·
- Posts
- 986
- Likes
- 3,009
vitriol
·
- Posts
- 688
- Likes
- 2,733
- Posts
- 3,045
- Likes
- 14,193
Wryfox
·That's gonna exclude a lot of people....
- Posts
- 7,111
- Likes
- 23,093
M'Bob
·
- Posts
- 8,742
- Likes
- 69,437
Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!A farmer and his wife were visited by her overbearing mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the house and outbuildings. She found fault with everything the man had done, offering unwelcome advice and belittling his competence every step of the way. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law square in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted friends and neighbors as they came through the receiving line. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" sadly and say something, giving his wife a hug, or gently squeeze to her hand. Whenever a man walked by, he'd raise an eyebrow and whisper something to the farmer, who would shake his head "no" and mumble a tight-lipped reply, leaning away from his wife.
Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, "The women would generally say something like, 'What a terrible tragedy,' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, yes it was.'
The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would have to say "Sorry, I can't. It's booked up for the next two years.'"
At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted friends and neighbors as they came through the receiving line. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" sadly and say something, giving his wife a hug, or gently squeeze to her hand. Whenever a man walked by, he'd raise an eyebrow and whisper something to the farmer, who would shake his head "no" and mumble a tight-lipped reply, leaning away from his wife.
Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, "The women would generally say something like, 'What a terrible tragedy,' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, yes it was.'
The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would have to say "Sorry, I can't. It's booked up for the next two years.'"
Edited:
- Posts
- 3,045
- Likes
- 14,193
Wryfox
·
- Posts
- 4,243
- Likes
- 10,092
redpcar
·
- Posts
- 795
- Likes
- 2,124
