Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

Pun
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A man loses his hat, so he goes to church to steal one off the hat rack.
When he gets there, the priest was giving his sermon on the Ten Commandments.
Something in the sermon gives the man a flash of insight and, after mass, the man goes to the priest for confession.
Man: Father, I have sinned. I lost my hat and I came to church today to steal one.
Father: Is that so?
Man: But then I heard you talking about the Ten Commandments and I changed my mind.
Father: Son, did you make this decision when I said, "Thou shalt not steal?"
Man: No. It was when you said, "Thou shalt not commit adultery". That's when I remembered where my hat was!😁
 
STANDY
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Here are some hilarious alternative meanings for common medical terms!

Artery
The study of paintings

Bacteria
Back door to cafeteria

Barium
What we do when people die

Benign
What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean section
A neighbourhood in Rome

Cat scan
Searching for kitty

Cauterise
She noticed me

Colic
A sheepdog

Coma
A punctuation mark

Dilate
To live long

Enema
Not a friend

Fester
Speedier than someone else

Fibula
A small lie

Impotent
Distinguished, well known


Labour pain
Getting hurt at work

Medical staff
A doctor’s cane

Morbid
A higher offer

Nitrates
After 8 pm at a sleazy motel

Node
I knew it

Outpatient
A person who has fainted

Pelvis
A distant relative of Elvis

Post-Operative
A letter carrier

Recovery room
A place to do upholstery

Rectum
Nearly killed him

Secretion
Hiding something

Seizure
Roman Emperor

Tablet
A small table

Terminal illness
Throwing up at the airport

Tumor
One plus one more

Urine
Opposite of you’re out
 
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