If you had to choose between your significant other and $5,000,000, what's the first thing you would buy?

 

A top-flight divorce attorney?

 

I’m keeping my Mrs. Money can’t buy what I have.

 

When you say that in a joke thread...

 

Fair point.

 

Signs…

 

Superman is walking by a church, when the minister suddenly emerges pleading for his help.

“Superman, we desperately need your assistance. A wall has collapsed in the basement trapping some workmen. Please help us!!”

“No way,” says Superman, “I’m not going anywhere near the crypt tonight!”

 

Only married guys who say that have girlfriends…

 

My wife threw me out for telling too many Arnold Schwarzenegger jokes.

I said don’t worry, I’ll be back…

 

Or, "You're funny! I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last..."

 

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