Did you know that Ricardo Montalban really struggled to find acting roles after appearing in the movie Star Trek 2? No one wanted to hire an ex-Khan...
The guy who invented the USB-A plug died last week and was buried yesterday. Then they took him back out and put him in the other way....
CalTech researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons
We used to have Steve Jobs,Bob Hope and Johnny Cash...... Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash.... Please,please don't let Kevin Bacon die!!
Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon? It didn't do well. It had great food, but no atmosphere.
My car has a button for nearly everything. It even has one that says "rear wiper." I'm still too afraid to use that one.
Dave goes to a movie and sits behind an empty seat. When the movie starts, a dog pops up in the empty seat in front of him. At first, Dave is annoyed, but he soon becomes fascinated. The dog seemed to be watching the movie. At the funny parts, the dog sniggers. At the sad parts, the dog whines. After the movie is over, Dave hangs back to talk to the dog's owner. "Excuse me sir, I noticed your dog seemed to really be enjoying the movie. That was amazing!" The owner answered, "It sure surprised me! He hated the book."
A blonde was blasting down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over. “May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop. Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took my license away. Now today you want me to show it to you!”