Australian love story An elderly man lay dying in his bed. Whilst suffering severe depression over his impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Anzac biscuits wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of Anzac biscuits. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Aussie wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a spatula...................... "Rack off" she said, "they're for the funeral."
Reminds me of the elephant story: A young man fresh out of college decides to go on an African safari before starting the next stage of his career. A few days into his adventure, he comes across a young elephant with his leg stuck in a poacher's trap. Frantic, he manages to gather some limbs and after about an hour of work, he was able to pry the young elephant's leg free. The elephant looked deeply into the young man's eyes, hugged him with his trunk then majestically raised one leg and proudly trumpeted so all the world could hear. The best day of the young man's life. Fast forward 20 years, the man now with his young children was visiting the San Diego Zoo. They walked past the elephant exhibit bringing up fond memories of the best day of his life. Suddenly, he caught the eye of one of the elephants. They stared making an obvious connection. Could this be the same elephant? Then the elephant raised his leg and trumpeted. The man, now desperate to reunite, climbed over the retaining wall and walked up the the elephant. They spent a moment staring into each other's eyes. He was now in tears able to relive the best day of his life. The elephant reached around his body with his trunk and slammed him into the retaining wall, killing him instantly. Probably not the same elephant.
At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?' 'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers. Every now and then they send us a free box of candles.' 'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. 'What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?' 'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the biscuit makers. Every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits.' 'I see!' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?' 'Here too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office. About once a year they send us a complete prick.'