Technically, who's breaking the law here? (Assuming it is a law, rather than a guideline or suggestion)
Speaking of ‘social media’… CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut? GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza. CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry. GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month. CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza. GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir? CALLER: My usual? You know me?? GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, and meatballs on a thick crust. CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have. GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust? CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza! GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir. CALLER: How in hell do you know that? GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years. CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol. GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago. CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy. GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement. CALLER: I paid in cash. GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash, according to your bank statement. CALLER: I have other sources of cash. GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law! CALLER: WHAT THE HELL! GOOGLE: I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you. CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet or TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me. GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you’d need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago
Where I am from there could be a trespassing offence for disobeying a sign. And maybe he should be wearing a life jacket.
One day in class, the teacher calls on Little Johnny, and asks him to tell the class a story with a moral in it. So Johnny says, “One day at the farm, a chicken and horse were playing together. The horse falls into quicksand, and he implores the chicken to go get the farmer. He can’t find him anywhere, so he jumps into his BMW, backs it up near the horse, throws a rope around the horse, and pulls him out. The next day, they are playing together again, but this time the chicken falls into the quicksand. The chicken says, “Quick, go get the car and pull me out.” The horse looks into the distance, and sees that the farmer has taken the car. So he straddles over the hole, the chicken grabs his penis, and the horse pulls him out.” The teacher is confused. “Okay, Johnny, but what’s the moral of the story?” she says. Johnny replies: “If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks…”
In a job interview, an engineer was asked a very simple question by his prospective employer: “What is 2x2?” The engineer thought for a second and before he was about to answer, he paused for a moment again. He then said: “I was going to say 4, but let’s go with 5 to be safe.”
I am pleased and happy to repeat the news that we captured and deflated a beach ball like inflatable object which some claimed had been floating overhead and spying on bathers. It is business as usual here and we can continue to celebrate the new year….. .