Possibly my favourite negative review of all time…… how dare designers use plastic….which is too, well….plastic … ‘’It has a funky character to it, but…….the plastic is quite plasticky’’
A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum-and-coke. The bartender gives him an apple. The patron says, "I ordered a rum-and-coke, not an apple!" to which the bar tender replies, "just take a bite." The patron complies and exclaims, "wow, it tastes like rum!" The bartender says, "now turn it around." "Geez, it tastes like coke!" he replies. When another patron walks in, the first guy tells him what's about to happen. Incredulously, he orders a gin-and-tonic. Sure enough, he gets an apple and when he bites in, it tastes like gin. First guy says "now turn it around." He bites, and it tastes like tonic. A third, crazy-looking patron walks in. The first two eagerly tell him what's about to go down. Crazy patron says, "I can order whatever I want?" to which the others quickly nod yes. When the bartender approaches, crazy patron barks "I want a drink that tastes like p*$$y!" The bartender peruses through the basket and hands him an apple. When crazy patron takes a bite, he spits, gags, and yells "bleh - that tastes like shit!" The other two patrons quickly tell him: "turn it around!"
A gentleman was preparing to book a 2-week trip to Paris for himself and his wife, as a surprise 40th anniversary gift. After mulling it over, he decides he better discuss it with her first, as it would be a significant time commitment. When he gets home, he says, "honey, our 40th anniversary is coming up. Since the kids have flown the coop and we are now retired, I was thinking we can finally have some time for ourselves. How about if we get away to Paris for a couple of weeks? The wife responds, "thank you, but I'm not interested." Surprised and disappointed, the husband says, "well, how about I buy you that Mercedes you have always wanted?" Again, the wife responds "no thank you, I don't want it." Perplexed, the husband says "A 40th anniversary is a milestone, for which I'd like to give you a nice gift. What do you want?" The wife quickly responds, "I want a divorce." After a period of silence, the husband lets out a long sigh and says: "I wasn't planning on spending THAT much..."
A guy walks into a bar, and spots a very attractive older lady having a drink. She was obviously in her ‘60’s, but still very sexy. He walks over to her, they start chatting and having a few drinks. She says, “Hey, have you ever had a Sportsman’s Double?” Perplexed, he asked, “What’s that?” She says, “It’s a mother-daughter threesome. Tonight you’re gonna have some real fun!. My house is just around the corner.” Excited at the prospect, he followed her out of the bar, and down the street to her house. When they got to the front door, they walked in, and proceeded to the bottom of the stairs. Then the woman yells up, “Hey Mom, you still awake?”
A joke for the times we live in. A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked, "What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?" Her husband replied, "It's a war to stop America and NATO." "Oh, right” she says “How's it going?" “Well” he replied “so far we have lost over 20 generals, 110,000 troops killed, countless injured, 3000 tanks, 300 aircraft, hundreds of helicopters, countless armoured vehicles, artillery and trucks, our flagship along with other naval ships, our army is being defeated in most areas and we have had to resort to conscription to replace our losses”. “Wow” replied the wife “what about America and NATO”? “They haven’t turned up yet”