They met on Match.com…

 

Difference between women and men

 

What did time do when it got hungry?
—Eight o’clock…and went back for seconds.

 

Is that not Babar????

 

This is a friendly reminder about drinking & driving during New Year...

A friend went out last year on 31 December. After drinking he made a sensible decision to leave his car at the pub and took the bus home.

He was really proud of himself next morning.
....
....
.....
.....
He had never driven a bus before!!

 

A teacher asks her 6th grade class, “What part of the human body changes ten times it original size when stimulated?”

Little Mary says, “I really don’t think it’s appropriate to be asking this question in class.”

Little Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher says, “Yes Johnny?”

Little Johnny says, “The pupil of the eye.”

The teacher says, “That’s correct, Johnny. And Mary: be prepared to be quite disappointed when you’re older…”

 

Teacher: And Marry, what part of human body gets wet if you insert fingure?

Marry: That's highly inappropriate question to ask in class.

Teacher: Again your eye! And tell your parents to come tomorrow to school, you may need counselling...

 

2 for 1

 

l

 

A guy stumbles through the door completely drunk at 2:00AM, and his wife is not at all pleased.

“Where have you been?”

He says, barely coherent, “Oh, Honey, there’s this great new place that opened up across town, called the Golden Saloon. They got golden doors. A golden floor. Hell, they even have golden urinals!”

Not quite sure she believed his story, the next day she found the new bar in the phone book, and called them up:

“Is this the Golden Saloon?,” she asks.

The bartender says, “Yes it is.”

“And do you have a golden door?”

“Yup,” he says.

“And a golden floor?”

“Uh huh, “ he says.

And even golden urinals?”

There is a long pause, and in the background, she hears the bartender say, “Hey Duke; I may have a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone…”

 

It's 11:59 pm on New Year's Eve and someone's cousin says "See you next year!"

 

Good news. The worker who fell into an upholstery machine before Christmas is now reported to be fully recovered…….

 

l

 

An ancient Greek walks into a tailor's shop, his trousers clearly in tatters. The tailor looks up from his work. "Euripides?" Yes... "Eumenides?"