Lulz

 

Chuck Norris was born in Ryan, Oklahoma. Looking for a way to honor their famous native son, the city Council came up with a proposal to name the main street in town "Chuck Norris Boulevard". That plan was quickly abandoned however, when they realized its folly.
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No one can cross Chuck Norris and live.

 

A very tight-fisted family saved money on videotaping their wedding by remembering everything

 

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul

 

"Has anyone noticed that all the instruments designed to discover intelligent life in the universe point away from The Earth?"


-G Bain. Comment in The Washington Post article on Webb Telescope.

 

How would one find intelligent life in the universe without pointing the instruments towards the universe?

 

It's in the title to the thread,
"Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D"

 

I was joking...relax.

 

“I just bought a top-of-the-line custom-fit hearing aid,” Tony excitedly related to his friend Sam. “It cost me a bloody fortune, but finally I can hear normally again!”

“That’s great! I’m really happy for for you my friend. What kind is it?” replied Sam.

“Twelve thirty-six,” said Tony glancing at his watch.

 

Reminds me of my 95 year old father-in-law, and this related classic:

 

A 75 year Old Retired Military officer had one hobby.....

He loved to Fish.

He was sitting in his Boat the other Day when He heard a voice say, 'Pick Me Up.'

He looked around and couldn't see Anyone.

He thought He was Dreaming

When He heard the Voice say again,
''Pick me up. '

He looked in the Water and there....Floating on the top, was a Frog.

The Retd Officer said, 'Are You talking to Me?'

The Frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to You. Pick Me up, then Kiss Me; and I'll turn into the Most Beautiful Woman you have ever seen. I'll make Sure that all Your friends will be envious and jealous, because I will be Your Bride!'

The Retired Offr looked at the Frog for a short time, reached over.....

Picked it up Carefully and......

Placed it in His Shirt Pocket.

The Frog said,
'What, are you Nuts? Didn't You hear what I Said?'

I said, 'Kiss me, And I will be Your Beautiful Bride.'

He opened His Pocket, Looked at the Frog and said,

'Nah. I'd Rather like have a Talking Frog
Than a Nagging Wife..

With Age Comes Wisdom & Experience.

 

One guy found an old bottle, opened it and Jinn came out. "Ask what you want and I will make your wish come true." - "I want to enlarge my dick so that it reaches the ground" - "No problem" - said Jinn and bit off his legs.