Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

[JimInOz]

A pie costs $2 in Jamaica and $2.50 in Barbados....




These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.



I'll get my coat.

 

[STANDY]

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. 'What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!', he said to himself.

As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.

He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant the atheist cried out: 'Oh my God!...'

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying:

'You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?'

The atheist looked directly into the light.

'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?'

'Very well, 'said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: 'Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen.'

 

[M'Bob]

 

[Charlemagne1333]

 

[Archer]

I was flipping channels and came across a show, and for several minutes a lady was talking about all these things you can do for fun. But then I realized I had stumbled on some religious channel, and she was reading a list of sins...

 

[Scarecrow Boat]

 

[M'Bob]

 

[M'Bob]

 

[Longbow]

Latest News:
Novak Djokovic to joint the England cricket team as opening batsman because it will take Australia two weeks to get him out.

 

[Charlemagne1333]

 

[Omegafanman]

Longbow

Latest News:
Novak Djokovic to joint the England cricket team as opening batsman because it will take Australia two weeks to get him out.

The Australians would veto him joining English cricket as they would worry that he might be able to catch something :0)

 

[TimeODanaos]

Scarecrow Boat

 

[Tony C.]

 

[Omegafanman]

A robot vacuum cleaner made a break for freedom after giving staff the slip at a Cambridge Travelodge hotel this week. Staff said it just kept going and "could be anywhere" while well-wishers on social media hoped the vacuum enjoyed its travels, as "it has no natural predators" in the wild......But panic then ensued for its safety when it was pointed out that... "nature abhors a vacuum".

 

[M'Bob]

 

[Darlinboy]

I was visiting my son the other night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

“Dad, this is the 21st century,” he said. “I don’t waste my money on newspapers. But if you like, you can borrow my iPad.”

I can tell you this...

That spider never knew what hit it!

Edited: Jan 24, 2022

 

[M'Bob]

Finally! A new Marx Brothers movie:

Law & Crime
Delta Passenger Refused to Mask Up, Threw a Can, Mooned a Flight Attendant, Put a Cap on the Captain’s Head: Feds

 

[Omegafanman]

M'Bob

Finally! A new Marx Brothers movie:

Law & Crime
Delta Passenger Refused to Mask Up, Threw a Can, Mooned a Flight Attendant, Put a Cap on the Captain’s Head: Feds

Irish resident .... “pulled down his pants and underwear and exposed his buttocks”
The Feds have clearly never had a good night out in Dublin - He was just showing them some of that famous Irish Craic /crack.... ;0)

 

[Omegafanman]

I am starting to think 28 days later was actually a documentary.....
.

 

[M'Bob]

I think we’ve all pondered this…