Her teenage daughter tells her she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "Of course you must screw her again.”
I treat my watches like I treat my phone… keep them away from water and away from my wife. Who the F is Mai Linh just texted you “I’m here”? //both phone and watch flying toward a sink..,// (it’s a taxi service in Asia) I once got a “come please” text. Hey man, I don’t wanna get stab today.
There's a terrific website called Letters of Note (link below the images) that curates interesting (real) letters. Occasionally they are hilarious... https://lettersofnote.com
For TONS more like this, check out Ted L. Nancy's book (series of books, actually), Letters from a Nut - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/770761.Letters_from_a_Nut