Just had a quick look at Costco’s returns info, in particular what happens to returned items. “Costco has a number of companies that purchase this merchandise. Some will refurbish it, and resell it, and others will sell it as is” I’m all for recycling
funny peculiar …. The brain is funny… But gives hope to us poor schpellers and those of us grammatically challenged. .
An environmentalist was giving a speech and told his audience, “If we continue on our present course, all life on earth will be gone in 50 years.” An elderly member of the audience struggled to his feet and cried out in panic, "What? What did you say?!" The environmentalist solemnly repeated, "I said - if we continue the way we are, that every man, woman, and child on earth will be gone in fifty years." The man sat down in relief and said, "Oh, thank God. I thought you said fifteen years."
That was fowl play… he just Ducked under the gate… but the poor guy has to wing it sometimes and escape… his family has too many bills …. My lizard friend Larry also gets under the gate.... because he is...……...my-newt :0) .
Joe went to the doctor's office to get some help with with his deteriorating hearing. "Can you describe the symptoms?" asked the doctor. "Of course," replied Joe, "Homer's a fat bald guy and Marge has blue hair."
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?” “We're taking Qantas,” was the reply “We got a great rate!” “Qantas?” exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline, their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?” “We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome‘s Tiber River called Teste.” “Don't go any further! I know that place, everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump.” “We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.” “That's rich,” laughed the hairdresser "You and a million other people trying to see him, he'll look the size of an ant! Good luck on this lousy trip of yours, you're going to need it…” A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. “It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of Qanta’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class, the food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!” “Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that's all well and good, but I bet you didn't get to see the Pope.” “Actually,we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.” “Oh, really! What'd he say ?” He said: “Who the fuck did your hair?”
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? Plato: For the greater good. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability. Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained. Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. Thomas de Torquemada: Give me 10 minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out. Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. Douglas Adams: Forty-two. Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the road, the road gazes across you. Oliver North: National Security was at stake. B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will. Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being. Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road. Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of “crossing” was encoded into the objects “chicken” and “road”, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualisation of this potential occurrence. Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. Aristotle: To actualise its potential. Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature. Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. A historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homosapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence. Salvador Dali: The Fish. Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death. Epicurus: For fun. Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it. Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen principle made it do it. Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.