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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

  1. Mad Cow Feb 26, 2021

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    Omegafanman, ConElPueblo, Pun and 3 others like this.
  2. vitriol Feb 26, 2021

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    Huh?
    I guess "drunken lobster" in that memes is something different than UD's top:
    drulob.JPG

    Cpt.Obvious anyone?
     
  3. Mad Cow Feb 26, 2021

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    Huh... UD ... who knew?
    4163FFB0-CDF1-49B6-AE3A-0ABBF3FEF82C.jpeg
    seplling and gramer not quite up to OED standards
     
    Edited Mar 6, 2021
  4. CPRwatch Feb 26, 2021

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    Finally Proof that there is water on Mars ,
    4746BC16-5CF6-406F-8C0E-46B960CE4FB0.png
     
  5. Archer Omega Qualified Watchmaker Feb 26, 2021

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    Latest mars rover shot...

    154498876_10158793004481068_3329940770584663984_n.jpg
     
  6. Reacher Feb 26, 2021

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    THAT WAS GREAT!
     
    Zdzislaw likes this.
  7. rob#1 Feb 26, 2021

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  8. Darlinboy Pratts! Will I B******S!!! Feb 27, 2021

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    After answering a domestic violence call, the police officer returned to his squad car to update his sergeant.

    “ You won't believe this one Sarge,” he radioed. “A woman shot and killed her husband for tracking up the wet floor she'd just mopped.”

    "Roger that" responded the Sergeant “Do you have her in custody?”

    “Not yet Sarge. I'm waiting for the floor to dry!”
     
    Edited Feb 28, 2021
  9. JimInOz Melbourne Australia Feb 27, 2021

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  10. Pun Feb 27, 2021

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    I didn't get spanked yet I've huge respect for others. Yours appeared to be a strange case...
     
    cvalue13 likes this.
  11. AlphaToOmega Feb 28, 2021

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    Hear about the dyslexic that walked into a bra?
     
    Zdzislaw and Burnt like this.
  12. Darlinboy Pratts! Will I B******S!!! Feb 28, 2021

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    Back in those days when corporal punishment was permitted to teachers, a young elementary school teacher named Miss Bingham complained to one of her superiors, Miss Manners, that she had spanked one particular boy, Thomas, until her arm tired from the effort, to no avail.

    “When you want him spanked again, send him to me,” Miss Manners said, "I've plenty of experience - and a strong arm as well."

    The next morning, Thomas came to Miss Manners' office, and knocked timidly on the door. The Miss Manners regarded him with a raised eyebrow.

    “Are you Thomas?" she asked sharply. "And did Miss Bingham send you to me?”

    “Yes, ma’am,” Thomas said.

    “I thought as much!” Miss Manners snorted. And on the instant, she skillfully inverted the youngster over her lap, and whacked him in a most spirited manner.

    This duty done, and as the wailings of the boy died away, she looked at him sternly saying “Perhaps that will teach you to show some respect! What have you got to say for yourself now?"

    “Please, ma’am,” Thomas sobbed, struggling to catch his breath,

    “Miss Bingham sent me to ask if she could borrow your scissors!”
     
    Edited Feb 28, 2021
    Zdzislaw and JohnWoo like this.
  13. Archer Omega Qualified Watchmaker Feb 28, 2021

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  14. RI Omega Fan Feb 28, 2021

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    Circling back to the very first joke on this 153 page thread! Does that mean we are out of jokes?
     
    Zdzislaw, JohnWoo, kkt and 1 other person like this.
  15. Darlinboy Pratts! Will I B******S!!! Feb 28, 2021

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    If you've forgotten it, it's new to you! :thumbsup:

    Speaking of which....

    Francis had a problem with memory loss, and was being treated for it. One day he was chatting with his wife and their good friend, Richard, on the porch of the senior living home.

    “Say Francis, how is that new memory clinic working out for you?” asked Richard.

    “It’s going great!” Francis said. “I can remember just about everything.”

    "That's great!" Richard says “I might try it too then... what’s the name of the clinic?”

    Francis scratches his chin a moment then says “Umm...what do you call that red flower .. you know ... the one with a long stem and thorns?”

    “Do you mean a rose?” Richard asks.

    “Yes, that's it!” Francis says, snapping his fingers and turning to his wife.

    “Hey Rose - what’s the name of that memory clinic?”
     
    Edited Feb 28, 2021
    noelekal, Zdzislaw, Mad Cow and 7 others like this.
  16. JimInOz Melbourne Australia Feb 28, 2021

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    I’ve been accused of posting juvenile puns.

    I prefer to think of them as full groan.
     
    noelekal, Mad Cow, Reacher and 7 others like this.
  17. DaveK Yoda of Yodelers Mar 3, 2021

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  18. SpeedyPhill Founder Of Aussie Cricket Blog Mark Waugh Universe Mar 4, 2021

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  19. SpeedyPhill Founder Of Aussie Cricket Blog Mark Waugh Universe Mar 4, 2021

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    for all fans of "" The Queen's Gambit (miniseries) ""
    :D
    .
    Deep_Blue.jpg
     
    Syzygy, noelekal, CPRwatch and 5 others like this.
  20. GeorgeBailey2 Mar 7, 2021

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    Should we be woke to Artificial Intelligence rights? It's going to be "racist" jokes like this that will trigger the Skynets and Ultrons of our future.
     
    noelekal, ConElPueblo and JohnWoo like this.