Thirty years ago today I asked my childhood sweetheart, the woman of my dreams, and the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me. All three said no....
Good to see there are still a few actual jokes being told here - kudos. Can use some humor in these times. Speaking of which... With the recent coronavirus surge, California is going into a lockdown mode once more. Plastic surgery centers, hair salons, and tanning shops are all closing. It’s about to get really ugly out there.
Here in Australia I was recently told post-lockdown cosmetic dentistry and liposuction both boomed like never before. People can't spend $s on travel so spending it on their smiles and hips instead. Sorry, this isn't a joke but Californian dentists and liposuctionists (?) will soon enough be laughing all the way to their banks again.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie.
A guy walks into a watch restoration shop and asks the owner .Excuse me sir but could you Re dial my watch? Owner says .I'm Sorry, I didn't know your watch can take calls!
A fellow reports that he has to drive his retired father every where he wants to go. His father is a retired gynaecologist, and he has a bad case of tunnel vision.
Just told a guy talking on his phone in the library to shut the fuck up, and everyone applauded me, so I told them to shut the fuck up too
My kids were a bit worried about Santa getting presents out this year with the pandemic and restrictions on travel. I told them not to worry - Santa's reindeer have herd immunity. p.s. That was an inside joke. Aren't they all these days?