I saw a guy jump over a safety fence at work this week.... I jokingly called out ''hey are you a pole vaulter''….. ….He replied ''no I am an Austrian … but how did you know my name is Walter''
Imagine my joy when I was getting the Christmas decorations out of the attic, and found a present that I forgot to give my kids last year. It was a picture to see their excited faces as they unwrapped the box. Such a pity it was a puppy...
A father was washing his car with his son. After they were done, his son asked, "Couldn't we have used a sponge?"
Did you hear about the insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic? He lay awake at night wondering if there was a dog.
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices that they are copying copies rather than the original so he asks the Head monk "how do we know these are still right after all these years of copying copies?" The head monk thinks on this and heads down to the cellar to look for the original. He is gone a long time so the junior monk goes down to look for him and hears sobbing. He finds the old monk in the back corner slumped over, so he asks what's wrong? With tears in his eyes, the old monk says..."The word is celebrate, not celibate!"
A UCZ_15 walks into a Rolex AD and asks to be put on a waitlist for an Oyster Perpetual. He gets told that he has to buy other watches and jewellery before he can express interest in an entry level Rolex!
Why men should not be Agony Aunts. Dear Roger. I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. I hadn’t driven more than a Kilometer down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor’s daughter. I am 32,my husband is 34, and the neighbours’ daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was made redundant six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counselling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore. Can you help? Sincerely, Sheila. Dear Sheila: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps. Roger.
A patient is in with his eye doctor. The doctor says "I would like to get a few more test on your eyes". The patient asks "Can I see the results"? The doctor replies "Probably not".