I don't think I could recreate this sober or drunk. I respect the dedication of whoever did this to some extent.
I think this a perfect example of the rule often (and wisely) espoused by @Archer. "Only attempt to clean a dial if you are prepared to destroy it." (or words to that effect)
Looks like the crystal is warped by heat, perhaps a fire or other exposure to a heat source caused this. Possibly someone trying to dry out a drenched watch under a heat lamp?
Thanks mate, I really think I nearly got there with this one. Just disappointed I couldn’t polish up the minute hand. Onwards and upwards.
That's what I thought at first glance as well, but I think the glare in the top left is probably just a standard reflection from a high dome crystal. If the crystal were badly warped I think we would expect to see some abnormal bending of the indices and/or hands.