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In the Netherlands the courier/postal service collects the VAT and importduties on behalf of customs, I would imagine the same happen in UK.
Did you read this already:
https://www.gov.uk/goods-sent-from-abroad/tax-and-duty
This was explained to me when sending a package to the UK. Lets say the parcel item was valued at £1,000 that was the sale price - I received £1,000 from the UK buyer.I had to pay the VAT before the courier would accept it.
Example numbers:
So instead of paying 20 % VAT on top of the sale value - say £1,000 x 20% = £200 VAT to pay. I said the sale value of £1,000 includes the VAT that I was required to pay.
So I paid £167 VAT. The value of the watch of £833 + £167 VAT @ 20 % = £1,000 purchase/sale price.
That was explained to me when sending the package. The VAT was included in the £1,000 and was not calculated on top of the £1,000 - if that makes sense.