Did your Father Become Smarter/Wiser as You Grew Older

Waltesefalcon · May 9, 2021

My father was always smart and capable in my eyes. He was a mechanic and welder who could build or repair anything. He held a degree in History with a focus on Russian history and was a voracious reader who could talk on nearly any topic. His biggest draw back was that he wasn't really good with people, which is why he enjoyed working with his hands. He was sometimes difficult but was always the best dad he could be to me. He had me helping him rebuild engines when I was six and inspired me to be a lifelong learner.

Multiple sclerosis paralyzed him when he was only in his early 40s. The last decade of his life I worked part time as a mechanic and did the odd clock repair or gunsmithing job so I could help my mother take care of him. Watching him decline from the most competent and capable man I knew to someone who couldn't feed himself was the hardest thing I've ever done. Luckily, he maintained his mental facilities right up to the end. I'm happy he lived to know his grandkids I just wish they had gotten to know the same man I'd grown up with.

JwRosenthal · May 9, 2021

airansun
God, I wish I’d had a decent father. Mine was an abusive asshole who only got worse with age. I spent most of my life trying to get through to him, to feel loved and accepted by him, to have a peaceful relationship. Not possible.

He was a cheat and a liar. He could be charming and disarming, but he could also create a scene if he got angry or say amazingly cruel things. He used to tell my mother the details of his cheating on her. He continued to bring alcohol into the house even though my mother had become an alcoholic, because she was easier for him to deal with when she was drunk. My mother died at 58 and he lived another 25 years.

By the time he finally passed, he’d alienated all of us, including every single grandchild. Thank goodness it didn’t fall to me to take care of him in his dotage. He was an ugly human being all the way to the end.

I have no fond memories. None. So, I envy you guys.

I’m so sorry....My wife’s father was much the same way without the drink (he has untreated bipolar disorder). Incredibly charming one minute, horrible tempter and threatening the next. It’s left indelible scars that have taken years of therapy to sort. She keeps trying to have a relationship with him, but just when things seem good, he does something awful....and the cycle repeats.
I hope you have been able to find your closure...or at least peace that your life is better than it was, and your future far brighter than his.

marcn · May 9, 2021

Hands down my favorite threads here have nothing to do with watches. Please keep sharing, the happy and the sad; it’s necessary and helps loads of others.

Love you guys and gals. And let’s not forget… it’s Mother’s Day today. 😉

wagudc · May 9, 2021

My children are all adopted from the foster care system. Their biological "family" has such a horrible history of mistreatment. My wife's biological father was terrible as well. In my book genetics and family are two different things. We are all imperfect, but sometimes out genetic relations are so destructive, we need to let them go.

Widows Son · May 9, 2021

My parents met at Marquette University. Dad's sophomore year was interrupted by WW2, he enlisted in the Navy. When he returned to finish up he met mom in chemistry class. They were married after graduation and dad was hired by Abbot Labatories and took a job in Cleveland. Even though mom had a degree in chemistry (very rare in those days) she became a housewife and started a family. Fast forward three kids later. I'm the youngest, when I started kindergarden mom got her real estate license and became extremely successful. Dad on the other hand left his sales job and pursued what he really liked, music. He was a Church organist and taught piano and organ. Not lucerative but that's what made him happy. It allowed for a flexible schedule which meant that there was always someone home to keep an eye on the kids. We lived in a beautiful area on eight acres. Had a dog, a horse, and a rifle range in the back yard. At Dad's funeral I spoke about life being a cross between Happy Days, and Leave it To Beaver. Mom and Dad instilled a strong sense of faith, and distinction between right and wrong. Mom said once that when determining if something was right or wrong, if you had to think about it too long, it was probably a bad idea. They gave us the tools to succeed, the rest was up to us.

kingsrider · May 9, 2021

Thank you all for your thoughts,stories and kind words. Even though we are with family right now, I feel less alone with your support.
I would say more, but it is hard to put into words the complicated emotions that are surfacing.

p4ul · May 9, 2021

kingsrider
Thank you all for your thoughts,stories and kind words. Even though we are with family right now, I feel less alone with your support.
I would say more, but it hard to put into words the complicated emotions that are surfacing.

Best wishes.

Fritz · May 9, 2021

I think I always knew my Dad was a really smart guy, but as I grew older and wiser I really began to appreciate his wisdom.

In his final years his brain faded out pretty badly but he could still come with some really clever things on a "good day".

He was pretty much "not with it" at the end, but at least he was contented with life, that gives me some comfort.

When I see a cool new piece of technology or I have designed some new piece of production equipment for the company I work at I always wonder what Dad would think of it.