Did your Father Become Smarter/Wiser as You Grew Older

64Wing has a thread in Other Watch Forums that triggered a nostalgic recollection;

"doing my best at the start of my next aging decade to be the type of man to admit he doesnt know some things."

I have often said " that my father became extremely wise after my 20th birthday."
As my Father declines due to advanced kidney disease I am struggling to come to grips with his decline. He has his faculties and that is good, I think. My uncle did not have all his faculties and in the end and it seemed that was kind of a blessing.
Please share your thoughts.

I was 40 before I realised my Dad was right when he preached: "Why do we waste the youth on the young". How true 👍

I think my dad finally wised up when I reached my early 20's.. Prior to that, he had some strange Ideas.
I'm unsure how he changed, but I benefit from his teachings everyday... Thanks Dad !!!

The fool thinks he is a wise man. The wise man knows himself to be a fool.
My grandfather, when he was dying of cancer, made me learn the poem ' If' off by heart. He knew I would have it hard in life. ( On my my mother's side, Birmingham man). I didn't get on with my dad growing up until he came home from work early one day and I was on xtc. Since then we get on well

My father passed away when I was twenty-two. He was seventy at the time, having had his two children at a relatively advanced age of fourty-five and forty-eight respectively. He always seemed to be a bit out of synch with life because of the age difference; he had experienced WWII as a kid and grew up in a vastly different time. While most of my friends went to their grandparents to hear about that era, I got stories from him about food rationing and about singing songs about how Hitler dressed up in women's clothes and running away from German soldiers immediately after.

He took early retirement when he was sixty and everyone (himself included) expected that he would spend the time drawing, painting and acting out his other creative passtimes. Instead he seemed to be more forgetful, losing interest in his hobbies and generally not getting a whole lot out of his time, which in retrospect made me sad and angry with him,

Nine years after his retirement he had a seizure which had him hospitalised. Scans showed a large brain tumor which the doctors said had been growing slowly for about ten years, affecting his a lot of his mental faculties. This came after a year of (succesful) cancer treatment and surgery so there was no surprised that the procedure of removing the tumor left him further weakened. A month after his last check-up scan he had another seizure and he was hospitalised yet again. The scans showed another tumor, this time it had grown to be as big as the last one in only one month and surgery was impossible in his weakened state. A week after he passed away.

He grew up in a poor working class home and got a craftsman's training and a good work life, my mother and him creating a life for our familiy that was stations above what he had known himself as a kid. He was an artistic, well-read and knowledgable man, despite his humble education. Half a year prior to his death I asked him if he was sorry for not persuing an academic career (at that time I didn't realise that the possibilities we have now were unheard of at that time and that getting a steady income was a priority early in your life) and he didn't answer - he just looked ahead, eyes unfocussed and deep in thoughts it seemed. I feel terrible for asking him that now, being oblivious to the hard choices he had made and the sacrifices he had done. I really would have loved to have him see my children and having them experience one of the funniest and loving persons I have known.

I don't think I perceive him as being "wiser" now than I did then, but I think that reflecting on the life he lead and seeing some of his character traits bubble up to the surface of my own personality has made me a better person. Certainly a more forgiving one.

For those with parents still living: just call and say I love you. Put aside all your bullshit reasons not to, and just call.

For those with parents already departed: they knew.

My dad is the best dad in the world. Because he is the only dad I have ever had. He has is his faults as do we all, but he did his best and tried to be a better father to his children, than his father had been to him. I don’t think you can ask for more than that.

I would say my Father did not always get things right. But I sometimes recall events and cross check his age then compared to mine now.
Your Dad is always your Dad - but can also be young and inexperienced. Parenting and life is a tough journey to navigate and we all develop and change. He did pretty good and always tried to look out for me - you cant ask for too much more.

This is a lovely thread. Let me say my bit before I start drinking later.

So I won't say wiser, but I would say he grew mellower. Very much an excellent person. His send off when he went about 20 years ago was legendary. So much so a song was published about it (see below). A friend once quipped, "Say what you like about Tony, he threw an excellent wake".

He was very much admired, and is still lionized quite a bit by those who don't remember first hand his temper and his drinking. I remember those vividly, and think it's important to acknowledge that. But in truth the balance of my memories are overwhelmingly positive and fond.

One anecdote I think illustrates the kind of man he was. He'd drink a few pints three or four times a week. Often alone on weeknights, and always with a poetry or philosophy book. One pub 'Madigans' - which if you're familiar you'll know is connected to Kilbarrack shopping center and a very long way from the nearest Omega boutique. Anyway it used to be that the fire exit emptied into said shopping center, and the doors were always chained up with a padlock. And it was a wink and a nod when anyone mentioned it.

When this state of affairs dawned on the Da he says to Tommy Madigan, "You have to sort that". Tommy says, "Sure the drunks will be pissing in the shopping center if I take the padlock off. It's more trouble than it's worth". To my nose Kilbarrack Shopping Center always stank of piss in any case. Still does. But that is bye-the-bye.

Anyway the Da says to Tommy, "If the padlock doesn't come off I'm going to object to your pub license renewal when it's due". And sure enough at the next pub license renewal process he objects. All the while he continued to drink in Madigans until he moved back down the country years later.

Madigans sorted the fire exit situation after that. I can't remember if it was shortly before or shortly after a fire in the Stardust nightclub killed 48 young people less than a mile up the road.

God, I wish I’d had a decent father. Mine was an abusive asshole who only got worse with age. I spent most of my life trying to get through to him, to feel loved and accepted by him, to have a peaceful relationship. Not possible.

He was a cheat and a liar. He could be charming and disarming, but he could also create a scene if he got angry or say amazingly cruel things. He used to tell my mother the details of his cheating on her. He continued to bring alcohol into the house even though my mother had become an alcoholic, because she was easier for him to deal with when she was drunk. My mother died at 58 and he lived another 25 years.

By the time he finally passed, he’d alienated all of us, including every single grandchild. Thank goodness it didn’t fall to me to take care of him in his dotage. He was an ugly human being all the way to the end.

I have no fond memories. None. So, I envy you guys.