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Anyone gone through a divorce and lost your kids?

Larry S
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Huh? She has a kid with the new husband and it raises YOUR support payments? How does that work?
 
1972Steve
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Larry S Larry S
Huh? She has a kid with the new husband and it raises YOUR support payments? How does that work?

The way it works in my state:
1.State looks at how much money I’ve made in the last three years and takes an average.
2. State does same for her. However she no longer works so they take an average of when she did work.
3.State looks at all her deductions of income. Dependents are a deduction. No matter if they are my children or not.
4.Child support is figured by average of what I financially made versus what she used to make and her deductions.

My attorney filled me in on this. Costly support and costly attorney.
 
Larry S
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I’m so sorry Steve. That totally sucks. Unfortunately what I’ve seen in my family and friends is the states have a formula and that the sooner both parties recognize that, the less they need to spend with attorneys.
 
kingsrider
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Having been through a painful divorce as well, but with no children. I found the best remedy was to date and date a lot. It got me out of the house. Healed my wounded ego. Made some new friends. Now many years later and two kids in high school, that divorce feels like a lifetime ago.
 
1972Steve
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Moral of the story- I’m blessed with two wonderful kids. I’m very lucky in that fact. Just wish I could spend more time with them. And I am out dating. I’m not letting life pass me by.
 
kkt
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1972Steve 1972Steve
The way it works in my state:
1.State looks at how much money I’ve made in the last three years and takes an average.
2. State does same for her. However she no longer works so they take an average of when she did work.
3.State looks at all her deductions of income. Dependents are a deduction. No matter if they are my children or not.
4.Child support is figured by average of what I financially made versus what she used to make and her deductions.

My attorney filled me in on this. Costly support and costly attorney.

Ouch.

When my ex and I split up, at the time we were both pretty poor, and divided time with our child equally so we waived support. Since then, she's remarried and moved far away so she has less time with our child and more money from her new spouse. Neither of us has felt the need to revisit child support - she pays for child's airfare to visit in the summer and one of the school breaks, I pay for her expenses at home and that seems to work pretty well for us.
 
Larry S
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Dude ... I have horror stories from friends, colleagues and two siblings. It could be far far far worse. (Including some disasterous rebound relationships) Keep counting the positive side of things. The kids will turn 18 eventually and the non transparent support will stop. It gets better.
 
Rasputin
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1972Steve 1972Steve
The way it works in my state:
1.State looks at how much money I’ve made in the last three years and takes an average.
2. State does same for her. However she no longer works so they take an average of when she did work.
3.State looks at all her deductions of income. Dependents are a deduction. No matter if they are my children or not.
4.Child support is figured by average of what I financially made versus what she used to make and her deductions.

My attorney filled me in on this. Costly support and costly attorney.
I’m sorry @1972Steve. It sounds like such a great deal for her: money from two different sources while she remains unemployed. I’m sure she has little incentive to work with a deal like that. Anyway, it’s sad that that her marital income from her new husband doesn’t affect the child support formula in your favor. Such stipulations seem to open the door for predatory behavior. Those considering marriage must realize that it is also a legal contract and just like any legal contract one must decide whether the terms are in their best interest before agreeing. Gene Simmons played it carefully.
Edited:
 
Wryfox
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To throw in another perspective, my parents got divorced when my sister and I were kids.

We were relieved.

We would both hide in our rooms at night because of the tension and arguing.

So sometimes its not so bad for the kids. A bad marriage can be worse than divorce.
 
Rasputin
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Wryfox Wryfox
To throw in another perspective, my parents got divorced when my sister and I were kids.

We were relieved.

We would both hide in our rooms at night because of the tension and arguing.

So sometimes its not so bad for the kids. A bad marriage can be worse than divorce.
One of the biggest issues is people's definition of what a bad marriage is varies and can evolve during the course of a relationship. Expectations and dedication can fluctuate with many perceived incentives to leave a marriage that are often propagated by the current societal norms and biased family law courts. It seems that people's threshold to file for divorce has diminished over time and with that comes stress to the family unit. Statistics have indeed shown the children from divorced parents are more likely to divorce themselves. Obviously one size doesn't fit all and certain situations necessitate a divorce.
 
gemstar
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When you get divorced you will realize eventually that you had been divorced long before the official document states. Divorce can also raise your life expectancy as long as you stay away from Family courts and from the toxic ex.Support the kids and be there for them, but also take care of your life by focusing on your future as time goes by so very fast. Dwelling on things only wastes the time you have here.
 
vbrad26
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Wryfox Wryfox
To throw in another perspective, my parents got divorced when my sister and I were kids.

We were relieved.

We would both hide in our rooms at night because of the tension and arguing.

So sometimes its not so bad for the kids. A bad marriage can be worse than divorce.

To add on to this, my Mom kicked my Dad out of the house when I was probably around 5.
But I had, and still do have a great relationship with him.
In fact, I couldn't imagine it any other way...
 
BenBagbag
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Wryfox Wryfox
So sometimes its not so bad for the kids. A bad marriage can be worse than divorce.
Truth. People assume when ones parents are divorced that it must have been hard at home, kids of unhappy marriages don't get the attention they need. So ya, sometimes it is better to end in divorce.

Thank you for sharing your experience. Respect.
 
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