It starts with an expensive watch. One watch. Your spouse smiles mildly and condolingly and tells her friends about her boyfriend’s midlife crisis. They all laugh a little and all is well.

Then you tell her that you want to buy another one. One to use at work and the other one can be used for more casual situations. There are, as you well know, thousands of reasons to have one more. She accepts this second watch also even if she now starts to believe you are a little peculiar. She talks to her friends about it and it is still a little amusing. “Isn’t he cute…!?”

The third watch you want - as sure as amen in the church (you know it is so), generates a sour frown and a semi long discussion about what money ought to be spent on – ”when are you going to use it?” – “what does it cost?” – “it looks just as the other ones”, etc. The woman in your life now tell her friends that you are somewhat insane.

The fourth watch is the most difficult one but if you succeed you are home free. This one takes a careful and strategic approach. One good start is to prepare a romantic dinner. With a lot of wine. When the right mood has been established you put on your most puppy like expression, tell her that you know she is a little irritated over your spending of money and your three watches, and with almost tears in your eyes you then tell her about the ”exceptional opportunity”. By pure chance you have stumbled on the possibility to buy your dream watch – and for a mere pittance of a sum! The one you have always coveted but it has always seemed unreachable – too expensive and extremely rare. You know it is much to ask but if you just get to buy this watch you will be forever content and satisfied. You will have the watches you need for all eternity.

Most women actually buy this. If you are together with a very strong-willed partner and/or teetotaler you might have to put forward the proposition that you will sell one of the other watches. If this does not work you have to sell your soul. Do anything and everything. Tell her you will do the dishes for a year. Vacuum-clean the house for ever. Grovel. I write it once more – do anything for this fourth watch. Being the most difficult to get acceptance for it is the absolute key to your continued watch collecting.

You now have four watches (the one you promised to sell – no one wanted to buy it – of course). You have laid the foundation to a real watch collection. The next step is to dismantle one or two watches in their main external parts – alternatively buy some different extra bezels/inlays/dials/straps/bracelets. A “normal“ woman has little knowledge about watches and of what parts that belongs to which – and how many parts a watch actually consists of.

Now you can buy one or - several more watches, and as long as you always have a certain amount of parts laying around you can always meander, dodge, questions about the number of complete watches. An option on the theme is to say that you have a friends watch in for some work or alteration – helping him to shorten the bracelet or brush of the center links.

By this time you have in the range of eight to ten watches and you have reached the perfect stage in your ”watch collection vs wife” scheme (or scam).

Now she has either left you (which is a bad thing) – OR – resigned and do no longer view your watches as individuals. They are no longer “the black one, the one in gold and that one with the brown strap”, etc. They are now “all your watches". Take notice – not a number but an undefined quantity. Now depending on your conscience, available money and time – you can do what ever you want. Buy, sell, trade and live happily ever after.

Regards
JE

PS. I wrote the above (in Swedish) a very long time ago and for another hobby (bicycles) and it is meant to be humorous and not taken too seriously. But – there are grains of truth in it. I was in a totally different kind of relationship then than today. Today I am married and my wife understands the width and depth of my insanity and I do not have to resort to such behavior.

Some might also say this it is a sexist approach and demeaning to women. I would like you to think again. Women are in many ways far more intelligent than men. When did you last think of or had a notion of how many shoes, handbags or jewelry your partner has? It is “all her shoes…”

PS 2. Here in Sweden this “hobby vs girlfriend/wife” story has spread. People have taken it and made it their own. I have seen it applied to tractors (yes, there are guys collecting tractors), motorcycles, cars, computers, stereo equipment, etc. all things collectable and/or “guy-things”. I have never got credit for the original text and/but that is not important – it is a fun thing and sort of flattering

 

I told my wife I was planning to buy 10 omega watches based on the premises that that would be a manageable amount of watches that I can wear. She is from Finland and doesn't really like talking so I took it as yes when she didn't say anything. So far so good.

 

Definitely a bad thing if she leaves you as she'll take half the collection in the divorce.

 

My GF is much more understanding of the watches than she is of the golf gear..so I will just preempt with "well I was gonna buy this new putter but I thought that was stupid so I bought this LE Blue Panda" pause.... waiting..... ok... I am not dead yet so that must be an Ok!

 

I have solved this problem before it even occurs, by default - I'm single

Now, when on dates and conversation inevitably turns to my passions well... That's when I get this expression:

 

My wife is getting a kick out of my purchases so far. She calls it the male version of purses and shoes.

 

Fortunately my wife and I keep our finances completely separate. We split everything for our home 50/50 including the care of our two dogs. Anything she wants for herself (clothes, cars, etc) she buys using her own personal funds. Anything I want for myself I buy using my own personal funds. Even more fortunately we both do really well in our careers so I don't have to make excuses to buy more watches.

That being said I'm still trying to build my watch slush fund back up after my second Omega purchase (a 145.022 ST recently). I am however looking forward to that 3rd, 4th and even 5th watch!!!

OP I like your strategy!

 

Wonderfully written. Your piece resonates loudly with me with my current 4 watch collection.

 

Furthermore my father is hand building me a 5 watch case for my birthday. Inevitably guaranteeing that I have to buy a minimum of 3 more watches worthy of going in it. Proper Prior Planning...

 

I thought it was something familiar with that story

Myself I am lucky enough to have a wife that enabled my watch collection by financing it in the beginning. As the good wife she is, she realized that her husband needed a little hobby at the time

I have paid her back.

Most of it anyway

 

A great yarn. There is, of course, the "open marriage" arrangement as in "don't ask, don't tell" re: watches, purses or shoes. Have never tried this, but hear it exists.

Either way, for me the awkward moment occurs when, during dinner, the inevitable words are uttered: "oh, hmmm, is that a new watch honey"? I've struggled with the semantics of the definition of "new" (does it apply to vintage?) but cannot stretch too far. Rathern that denial, my tactic has been prevention/security through obscurity: as in it helps to have long sleeves and/or, as in my situation, watches that all look alike...

 

She's smart because that's exactly what it is - accessories with cool little mechanical doohickeys inside that both gearheads and nerds can enjoy. Men's accessories / jewelry.

 

She stopped asking at watch number 10 or so, which was about 2 years ago. Last month she started asking again. She was around when the mail arrived and both times said, I thought you stopped buying watches?, and how much did those cost? Last month was a blue Seiko 5 Sport for $143 and this month was a black Seiko 5 Sport for $138.

 

offering to have sex with here twice a week while wearing a bunny-costume did the trick for me ...

 

That is exactly my situation today. When I wrote the piece way back it was not.

Today I have 66 watches... and counting...

And as it was originally written for bicycles - I have to admit to having 24 of those too.

 

You or her...?

 

Half of what she KNOWS about.

 

Oh dear, bless MY heart!

 

She used to notice, but speedmasters all look the same so she can't tell them apart. She also lost interest after the third

so I asked 'you don't care at all, do you?'
Nope, she said.
'so you don't want to know if I buy another one?'.
Nope.
OK!

It comes up now and then in conversation with friends and family, along the lines of 'oh, he's into watches. He's got a few.'.

Yes honey, I've got a few....

 

My wife is fully on board but then again most of my friends are totally stunned by how cool my wife is about most everything I like to do. She has her things and I have mine but we have no kids and actually live a pretty frugal life so the occasional splurge on a vacation to Europe or a new toy isn't hard to justify or afford with a bit of planning. I do recall a weekend last summer when we bought a new Audi and a new KTM that both of us found a bit extravagant but that was a bit out of the ordinary. We made a very conscious effort to be basically debt free a long time ago (ok we have a mortgage and one car payment) and have never regretted it.