Cabbage must be thinly sliced.

 

Definition of a farmer. A man outstanding in his field.

 

Man offers a drink to a woman at a party.

Woman: No thanks, whisky is bad for my legs.

Man: legs ? Thats strange, do they pain or swell ?

Woman: No, they spread

 

I've just found an origami porn channel.

But it's paper view only.





F£$ksake, sorry.

 

The Irish Furniture Dealer

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so hedecided to go to Paris to see what he could find .

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.
As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table ,
asked him something in French (which Murphy could n o t understand) , so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.
He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass
and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it,
and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.
They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.
She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business

 

Sounds like my Congressman Jim Jordan.

 

Donating Blood in Scotland


A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out.


Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type.

The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.

The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Black Magic chocolates.The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ... but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."

To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I have Scottish blood in ma veins now".

 

Just one more cartoon from me...

 

Where's the "Eeeee-uuuuuu!" button?

 

Omega’s Online reservation forms.

 

why does a bride dress in white?

so she matches the rest of the major appliances.

 

Strangely, that’s an actual thing.

 

Being a parent is like a walk in the park.


Jurassic Park.

 

How do you get an Australian politician giddy?

Put him in a barrel and tell him to Pee in the corner...

 

Did you hear about the disgruntled necrophiliac? Things were fine until the rotten bitch split on him.