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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

  1. Edward53 Jun 10, 2018

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    - I say, did you hear about old Carruthers? The fella's living in sin up a tree with a monkey!
    - Great Heavens! Male or female monkey?
    - By Jove, female of course! Nothing unnatural about old Carruthers.
     
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  2. staristheanswer Jun 11, 2018

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    The bear wanted badly to beat up the wolf so he went to the fox so she would give him a good reason to beat him.
    So when you see him :said the fox
    ask him...where is your hat?
    He will not have one so you can beat him up.
    The bear happy goes around to find the wolf.
    After a while he sees him and goes near by.
    Hello Wolf.
    Hello Bear.
    Where is your hat,Wolf?
    WHere is my what?
    And the bear start beating the sh.t out of him.
    Next day the same,after a week the same.
    The bear goes at the fox again and tells her that he is bored with this reason and wants a new
    reason to beat the wolf up.
    The fox tells him.
    Ask him to give you a ciggarette than.
    He will not have and you can beat him up.
    Happy again the bear goes around to find the wolf.
    He finds him and and says
    Hello Wolf.
    Hello Bear.
    Give me a ciggarette,please!
    And the wolf gets from his jacket 4 packs of ciggarettes,5cigars,2
    pipes and a big bag with tobbaco.
    The bear looks at him than looks at the ciggarettes,
    looks him again and looks at ciggarettes.
    Than says:
    Where is your hat?
     
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  3. Edward53 Jun 11, 2018

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    Well I get it, but somehow it doesn't exactly flow. Feels like it's been Google-translated from a Slavonic folk tales website.
     
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  4. staristheanswer Jun 11, 2018

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    I am the "Google translator" :D
     
  5. w154 Jun 11, 2018

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    Somehow, perhaps because the bear reminds me of you, that actually made me laugh out loud :thumbsup:
     
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  6. STANDY schizophrenic pizza orderer and watch collector Jun 11, 2018

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    marco, MMMD, GeorgeBailey2 and 2 others like this.
  7. staristheanswer Jun 11, 2018

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    I always wear my hat when entering the forum @STANDY ....ulackfocus is always in alert to catch me in mistakes and use his whip :whipped: :D
    [​IMG]
     
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  8. ulackfocus Jun 11, 2018

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  9. Dan S Jun 11, 2018

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    The cumulative effect is amusing to me, although probably not in the way you would want.
     
  10. Pun Jun 13, 2018

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    A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do.

    About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a kazi goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

    The smart doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the mulla, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."

    "Do you think... it will work?" she asks.

    "It's worth a try." he says.

    So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the kazi.

    After the operation he goes in to the kazi and says, "Huzoor Kazisaab, you're not going to believe this.".

    "What?" asks the mulla, "what happened?".

    "You gave birth to a child!".

    "But that's impossible!" says the bewildered mulla.

    "I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."

    About fifteen years go by, and the kazi realizes he must tell his son the truth.

    One day, he sits the boy down and says,

    "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."

    The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
    The mullaji replies, "I am your mother. The senior Imam is your father.".
     
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  11. akshayluc420 Jun 13, 2018

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    Dude, awfully courageous of you...your name isn't Charlie by any chance is it? :unsure:
     
    Edited Jun 13, 2018
  12. staristheanswer Jun 13, 2018

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    Jim wanted to find a job at the trains as a ticket checker but he had to
    pass an interview with a supervisor.
    He went and was waiting his turn.
    When the other guy came out from the interview he went and asked him.

    Jim: How did your interview go?
    Other guy : Very diffycult questions
    Jim: Like what?
    Other guy : He asked me : If the train has a speed of 120 km/h and there is a wind that has speed
    50 km/h hitting the train.You open the window,what is the speed of the wind coming inside the train?
    I couldn't answer that and got "cut".


    Very stressed,Jim entered inside and the supervisor started with the questions.

    Supervisor : Mr Jim you are traveling with the train with a speed of 100 km/h.
    There is a wind hitting the train with 60 km/h.
    It is very hot and the window of the cabin is closed.
    What you do?
    Jim : I will take my jacket of,open a bit my shirt and I will be fine.
    Supervisor : You don't understand.
    Let's start again.

    You travel with the train with a speed of 110 km/h,
    There is a wind hitting the train with a speed of 78 km/h
    It is a VERY VERY hot day and the WINDOW of the cabin is closed.
    What do you do?
    Jim : Okay I understand it now.
    If it is so hot I will take of my shirt drink a bit of water and I will get
    a bit fresher I guess.
    Supervisor : Mr Jim,you don't understand it.You are traveling with a train...It is VER...
    Jim : Let me interrupt you here Mr supervisor,whatever you do I am not going to
    open the god damn window.
     
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  13. Buck2466 Jun 13, 2018

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    In Montana, there has been a problem with bears climbing up on the roofs of houses. A little old lady goes outside and finds a bear up on her roof so she calls the local bear hunter to get the bear off her roof. He shows up immediately. He has a ladder, a club, a dog, and a rifle. The old lady asks him how he's going to get the bear off the roof. He tells her " I'm going to climb up the ladder, walk over and club the bear and knock him out, the bear will then tumble off the roof and my dog will run over and bite him in the nuts. I will then come down and bag him and put him in my truck. He then hands the old lady the rifle and begins to climb the ladder. The old lady then asks him what the rifle is for? He stops and says, " if i fall off the ladder, SHOOT THE FUCKING DOG."
     
  14. Pun Jun 13, 2018

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    I fail to understand the courageous part of the joke. We make jokes on Jews, on Poles, on blondes, on Christians, on Sardars and so on and so on.... so we make fun of Muslims as well. There is nothing wrong I believe. We are all fallible human beings who have many weaknesses and funny sides to be laughed at. That’s what is life all about in a way...
     
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  15. ConElPueblo Jun 13, 2018

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    Agree. Substitute the Imam with the religious character of your choice and it is still a joke. Perhaps throw in an alter boy along with the Catholic priest :D
     
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  16. Dan S Jun 13, 2018

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    The point wasn't that there was anything wrong with the joke, just that it took courage.

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2010/jan/04/danish-cartoonist-axe-attack
    https://www.cnn.com/2015/05/03/us/mohammed-drawing-contest-shooting/index.html
    https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/p...lled-muhammad-cartoons-magazine-paris-n281266
     
  17. Pun Jun 13, 2018

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    Yes indeed. You’re so correct. The joke remains the same and equally effective. Regards
     
  18. Pun Jun 13, 2018

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    Yes that’s also a very dark side of fanatics thought our present day civilisation face.
    Islam was never a religion of hardcore fanatics. In last 50 years something really went missing. I hope it will soon become a religion of love and faith that it used to be. You read Rumi’s Mathnawi and you’ll realise how flexible a religious thought could be. And it was called Quran in Pehelevi (Persian) language.
     
  19. staristheanswer Jun 13, 2018

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    If I was going to post that joke it would be removed for sure like a joke I said with a Jew and some of the members would start to "throw stones" at me.
    Just sayin...
     
  20. Canuck Jun 13, 2018

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    I had a joke pulled by a moderator recently. I fail to see how the story (it certainly was not a joke) about the guy giving birth, wasn’t pulled. My joke was about Indigenous youths stripping cars. Musta peed somebody off!