Doctor: I'm afraid you're suffering from Auto Correct Syndrome. Patient: I didn’t even know I was I'll.
3 couples die in a plane crash & end up at the pearly gates. The first couple walks up to the front & are greeted by St Peter. Looking at the man, he begins. "All your life, you have been obsessed with money. You think of money all the time, you want money all the time, you lust for money constantly & cannot do without money. In fact, your longing for money is so great that you married a woman named Penny." After saying that, the man goes POOF! And disappears. Turning to the second couple, St Peter looks once more at the man & begins.. "All your life, you have been obsessed with food. You think of food all the time, you want food all the time, you lust for food constantly & cannot do without food. In fact, your longing for food is so great that you married a woman named Honey." After saying that, the man goes POOF! And disappears. At that, the 3rd woman turns to her husband & says : "Dick, i don't like the way this is going"...
I heard/read this somewhere else as: At that, the 3rd man turns to his wife & says : "Fanny, i don't like the way this is going...."
If a collector claims to be a "sucker for nice clocks", would it then be correct to call him a clocksucker?
This joke was told by our Google Home speaker the other day: Why are atoms untrustworthy? Because they make up everything.
I though some of our folks from down under might get a giggle over that. Such a waste of 25-year old Chivas. I’m a Glenfarclas sipper, myself.
Seems my F1 joke offended someone! Appears it was pulled by a moderator. Musta struck a nerve, somewhere! If I am guilty of some kind of transgression, a PM might have been nice. Don’t want to make that mistake again!
Maybe you should have used a different demographic as the subject. If you had referred to the pit crew as "bogans" I'm sure the level of indignation would have been different. After all, it seems you're allowed to sling shit at white guys but not at anybody else, even in a good natured joke that has been circulating for years.
A couple were taking a walk when they saw a dog licking his balls. "I wish I could do that" said the man. "Well" his wife replied, "I suggest you pat him first".
Been this way since the beginning of comedy. In a public way, it's always been acceptable for the "underclass" to make fun of the "ruling class." They have to grin and bear it, the price of financial security and social standing. Privately, of course, the ruling class has always had and made deragotory jokes about the underclass.
Blanche Knott, author of three New York Times bestseller books, ""Truly Tasteless Jokes" and their various iterations, argues that there is no such thing as an offensive joke. She makes the point that every joke, no matter how "bad," serves some sociological function by catharsis, allowing us to deal with tragedy, etc. So from her perspective, you were probably okay. I actually believe there are some jokes that are too tasteless to hear, and cross the line. Here's one I've stopped telling: why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman. Most people (guys especially) find it funny, but it's at the expense of someone who's blind, which is not funny at all, so I can't bring myself to repeat it any more.
Definition of conceited: A gnat floating down a river on it's back with a boner yelling "Draw Bridge!!!" My Dad's favorite.
