^^^ Howie is a noted germaphobe at the best of times, so I'm not sure he's even joking!

 

Since we've been on lockdown I've developed a taste for fabric conditioner. My doctor says I’m fine, I’ve just been Comfort eating.

 

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm
a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

 

I'm guessing this is a "software" engineer...

 

I can't help myself. Here is another one for the engineers.....

Two engineering students were riding across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding
my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

 

So, what's wrong with software engineers? This one actually has a wife (who was acquired long before the software degree or job).

Hmmm, maybe you have a point.

 

I have a Pizza Hut deliveryman who asks, "would you like to hear an original joke?"

After the first time I delight in saying, "no, thank you."

Yes, I am a rotten ratbastard.

Tom

 

How many jokes there are from engineers?


Only two, rest are true stories....

 

The guy who taught me to shoot rifle competition is a retired Marine Master Sergeant.

A fairy tale, he says, starts out "once upon a time...".

A Marine sea story starts out, "this is no shit, now..."

https://jarheadtop.com is his site. My name appears on it once.

He published a book of his sea stories.

Tom

 

Oh dear, we seem to have offended you - but I am not sure why. Is it because you have seen some of these before? Please give some guidance.

 

What? NO!! Just trying to share something that I enjoyed!

Tom

 

" Janet, we know this is your second time round the park, get yourself home pronto or we're getting the fucking tasers out "

 

Bet the girls were ex East German weight lifters

 

I’ve seen many jokes from engineers.

unfortunately most are in the form of drawings for products that are “production ready”

 

Only according to the marketing manager who picked the drawings up from a desk before engineering had a chance to put it before a validation panel.