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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
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Omegafanman
·While examining a female patient, doctor tells her:Ur heart, lungs, pulse, BP are fine. Now let me see that cute little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.Woman immediately started taking off her jeans..
Shocked Doc said:“No! No! Plz put on ur clothes. Just show me your tongue.."
Innuendo is not Italian for a suppository.....and too much innuendo means I can never post pictures of my Cat on the forum...….
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Canuck
·Strange times.....
Funny ha ha, or funny peculiar?
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Omegafanman
·Funny ha ha, or funny peculiar?
I am not so there is much of a difference these days :0)…..
and in the business news We’ve just heard of another business merger. Achilles Cleaning Powders have joined up with the Scottish Distilleries to produce a cleaner that kills 99 per cent of all known germs, and makes the other one too drunk to bother...………….A nice clean joke :0)
Edited:
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Canuck
·A now defunct local restaurant was a favourite of ours. Last I visited it before it closed was on a birthday of mine, September 10, 1991. I’ll never forget THAT birthday party because of the events in New York, the following day! The restaurant was call Mother Tucker’s.
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Omegafanman
·A now defunct local restaurant was a favourite of ours. Last I visited it before it closed was on a birthday of mine, September 10, 1991. I’ll never forget THAT birthday party because of the events in New York, the following day! The restaurant was call Mother Tucker’s.
There was a Pizza parlour started by a guy called Guy..... 'Pizza Guys'.... so far so good but the menu caused a few issues as some of the towns folk were not comfortable ordering the 'hot spicy guy or the meaty guy... :0)
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BlackTalon
··This Space for RentA now defunct local restaurant was a favourite of ours. Last I visited it before it closed was on a birthday of mine, September 10, 1991. I’ll never forget THAT birthday party because of the events in New York, the following day! The restaurant was call Mother Tucker’s.
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Tristanp
·My three favourite things are eating my family and not using commas.
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Canuck
·
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Canuck
·Arizona bikers were riding South on the US-93 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Hoover Dam Bridge. So, they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed...
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She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed...
Virus-free. www.avast.com
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UncleBuck
··understands the decision making hierarchyApologies if a repeat......I'm not going through 77 pages to check.
An elderly man and woman booked an appointment with a sex therapist. "Doctor, we have a problem that's hard to put into words and rather than trying to explain, could you just observe?
The couple then had sex, achieved full bliss, apologized, paid the $70 fee and went home.
The next week, they again scheduled an appointment, again achieved full satisfaction, paid and left.
The third week, the Doctor said "alright, we are getting nowhere, let's talk about your problem".
The couple, extremely embarrassed, paused and then began to speak. "Doctor, we are lovers, both married to others, on a fixed income with nowhere to go to be together. The Holiday Inn is $156 and the Hyatt $175 . You, on the other hand, only charge $70 and Medicare covers $63!!
An elderly man and woman booked an appointment with a sex therapist. "Doctor, we have a problem that's hard to put into words and rather than trying to explain, could you just observe?
The couple then had sex, achieved full bliss, apologized, paid the $70 fee and went home.
The next week, they again scheduled an appointment, again achieved full satisfaction, paid and left.
The third week, the Doctor said "alright, we are getting nowhere, let's talk about your problem".
The couple, extremely embarrassed, paused and then began to speak. "Doctor, we are lovers, both married to others, on a fixed income with nowhere to go to be together. The Holiday Inn is $156 and the Hyatt $175 . You, on the other hand, only charge $70 and Medicare covers $63!!
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Canuck
·A foursome anyone? Maybe they should try it.
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Mouse_at_Large
·My mate always says "40 is the new 30"
lovely bloke, banned from driving.
lovely bloke, banned from driving.
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Omegafanman
·One of my friends read you could slow time / go back in time if your travel very fast..... He tried it in his car and succeeded in going back to a time when he did not have his driving licence :0)
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Wryfox
·
