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Wryfox
·
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
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hen
·
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zedlebowski
·A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich.
He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey man, I m a PANDA! Look it up!”
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: “A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey man, I m a PANDA! Look it up!”
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: “A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
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STANDY
··schizophrenic pizza orderer and watch collector
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zedlebowski
·That's fantastic! What a talent. I'm very disappointed in my colon.
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BlackTalon
··This Space for RentI would think Professor Chaos would keep springing surprise shapes upon the world...
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zedlebowski
·I've got some surprises I've been working on in my lair...stay tuned
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Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker
“The angry man was taken to a St. John’s lock up, Canadian Press reported. The type of cheese used and the reason for the assault was not known.”
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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JimInOz
··Melbourne AustraliaBeen there, done that, but I didn't get the explantion meeting.
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hen
·
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p4ul
·
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Wryfox
·A friend told me he was getting into watch collecting, he asked me if I had any tips.....
Edited:
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EuroDriver
·Daughter: "Daddy, I have some good news and some bad news!"
Father: "Tell me the good news first."
Daughter: "I passed my test."
Father: "That's great sweetheart - congratulations! Now, what's the bad news?"
Daughter: "It was a pregnancy test..."
Father: "Tell me the good news first."
Daughter: "I passed my test."
Father: "That's great sweetheart - congratulations! Now, what's the bad news?"
Daughter: "It was a pregnancy test..."
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p4ul
·Paging Mr Darwin….
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hen
·
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Wryfox
·
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Canuck
·A golfer is in Ireland on vacation. He thinks he’s pretty good. He goes to a golf course and asks if there is a member who might play a couple rounds with him. The pro recommended member O’Reilly. He speaks to O’Reilly who agrees to meet him at 9:00 the next day. O’Reilly suggests he might be 30 minutes late. Following morning, O’Reilly shows up on time with a set of left handed clubs, and soundly trounces the tourist. The tourist asks him if they could play again, the following day. Next day, O’Reilly shows upon time carrying a set of right handed clubs. He soundly trounces the tourist. Bear for punishment, the tourist asks if O’Reilly is good for a third game the next day. O’Reilly agrees, saying he might be 30 minutes late. Next day, the tourist is on time, but O’Reilly is late 30 minutes! The tourist asks O’Reilly how it is that he plays with left handed clubs on day one, but is on time. He asks how it is that O’Reilly was on time the second day with right handed clubs. Says O’Reilly, when he wakes up and his wife is sleeping on her left side, he plays left handed clubs. When she sleeps on her right side, he uses the right handed clubs. The tourist asks O’Reilly why he was late 30 minutes on the third day. Simple, said O‘Reilly. This morning when I woke up, she was sleeping on her back!