- Posts
- 513
- Likes
- 751
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
- Posts
- 5,492
- Likes
- 9,395
BlackTalon
··This Space for RentReason number 98 not to use iPad to post on forums.
So you, sir, were likely correct, but just 6 months ahead of time 😀
- Posts
- 712
- Likes
- 1,053
staristheanswer
·Wife comes back from work.
Her husband sees her and asked:
Husband:You were at work with a dress?
Wife:Yes,why?
Husband:Are you kidding me?And you were gathering oranges from the trees?
Wife :Yes!!
Husband:And Your boss was under and keeping the ladder?
Wife:Yes!!
Husband:He was f****ing watching your underwear.
Wife:You think I am that stupid?I had none.
Her husband sees her and asked:
Husband:You were at work with a dress?
Wife:Yes,why?
Husband:Are you kidding me?And you were gathering oranges from the trees?
Wife :Yes!!
Husband:And Your boss was under and keeping the ladder?
Wife:Yes!!
Husband:He was f****ing watching your underwear.
Wife:You think I am that stupid?I had none.
- Posts
- 3,039
- Likes
- 14,163
Wryfox
·Man: Hey Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story..."There once was a Hunter who always carried a Gun wherever he went. One day he took his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a gun, and shot the Lion, and it died!"
Man: Nonsense! Someone must have shot the lion!
Doctor: Good. You understand the story.
Doctor: Let me tell you a story..."There once was a Hunter who always carried a Gun wherever he went. One day he took his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a gun, and shot the Lion, and it died!"
Man: Nonsense! Someone must have shot the lion!
Doctor: Good. You understand the story.
Edited:
- Posts
- 3,133
- Likes
- 5,561
Edward53
·A drunk man runs up to a nun in the street and punches her in the face. As she lies on the ground sobbing, he stands over her and sneers "Not so tough now are you, Batman!"
- Posts
- 712
- Likes
- 1,053
- Posts
- 2,058
- Likes
- 4,635
77deluxe
·
- Posts
- 712
- Likes
- 1,053
staristheanswer
·I get up from the bed and I make sounds...
"crack" my hands...
"crack" my legs...
"crack" my back...
Either I am not worked out either I'm a transformer!!
"crack" my hands...
"crack" my legs...
"crack" my back...
Either I am not worked out either I'm a transformer!!
- Posts
- 7,092
- Likes
- 23,002
M'Bob
·I get up from the bed and I make sounds...
"crack" my hands...
"crack" my legs...
"crack" my back...
Either I am not worked out either I'm a transformer!!
Thanks. My third-grader will get a lot of mileage out of that one.
- Posts
- 712
- Likes
- 1,053
staristheanswer
·Thanks. My third-grader will get a lot of mileage out of that one.
- Posts
- 8,742
- Likes
- 69,436
Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!Speaking of transformers...
One day, a Decepticon walks into a bar and he pulls a little 8 inch Minicon and a tiny grand piano out of his pocket. The little minicon starts to play. Everyone looked at him and was just so amazed by this. Another Decepticon walks over to the first one and asks him where he got that little minicon and piano. He replies, "Well, out there, is a genie and he grants you but one wish."
The second Decepticon immediately ran out to the genie. A few minutes later he comes back in with dozens of ducks waddling around him.
The first Decepticon asks, "Where'd all those ducks come from?"
The other says, "Well, I asked the genie for a million bucks, but he gave me a million ducks."
The first Decepticon says, "Oh, I guess I should have warned you that the genie is hard of hearing. You don't actually think I asked for a 8 inch Minicon do you?"
One day, a Decepticon walks into a bar and he pulls a little 8 inch Minicon and a tiny grand piano out of his pocket. The little minicon starts to play. Everyone looked at him and was just so amazed by this. Another Decepticon walks over to the first one and asks him where he got that little minicon and piano. He replies, "Well, out there, is a genie and he grants you but one wish."
The second Decepticon immediately ran out to the genie. A few minutes later he comes back in with dozens of ducks waddling around him.
The first Decepticon asks, "Where'd all those ducks come from?"
The other says, "Well, I asked the genie for a million bucks, but he gave me a million ducks."
The first Decepticon says, "Oh, I guess I should have warned you that the genie is hard of hearing. You don't actually think I asked for a 8 inch Minicon do you?"
Edited:
- Posts
- 1,897
- Likes
- 17,018
Wivac
·A Termite walks into the bar and asks...
....
....
....
"Is the bar tender here?"
#getscoat.
....
....
....
"Is the bar tender here?"
#getscoat.
- Posts
- 712
- Likes
- 1,053
staristheanswer
·How I learned to see my own business.
Passing near a mental health institution and the patients were in the yard and shouting
Thirteen,Thirteen,Thirteen.
I got curios and was trying to see what was happening but the walls were too high but
I saw a hole somewhere on the wall and got near and put my eye to see and one of the patients poked me
with a stick in the eye.
After that they all started to shout:
Fourteen,Fourteen,Fourteen.
Passing near a mental health institution and the patients were in the yard and shouting
Thirteen,Thirteen,Thirteen.
I got curios and was trying to see what was happening but the walls were too high but
I saw a hole somewhere on the wall and got near and put my eye to see and one of the patients poked me
with a stick in the eye.
After that they all started to shout:
Fourteen,Fourteen,Fourteen.
- Posts
- 1,897
- Likes
- 17,018
Wivac
·Why shouldn't you wear Ukrainian underpants?
...
...
...
Chernobyl fallout.
...
...
...
Chernobyl fallout.
- Posts
- 15,191
- Likes
- 44,630
- Posts
- 7,092
- Likes
- 23,002
- Posts
- 1,897
- Likes
- 17,018
Wivac
·
- Posts
- 2,158
- Likes
- 5,706
nonuffinkbloke
·Dr Watson: Holmes! How the devil did you solve that last case?😕
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary dear Watson... elementary!😉 Here... I'll show you! Watson, drop your trousers and pants and bend over the desk!
Dr Watson: Ye gads Holmes! Why am I bent over this desk?... and why are you applying lemon curd to my person?😲
Sherlock Holmes: 'Lemon entry' dear Watson.. lemon entry!😉
(Tastefully edited version)😟
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary dear Watson... elementary!😉 Here... I'll show you! Watson, drop your trousers and pants and bend over the desk!
Dr Watson: Ye gads Holmes! Why am I bent over this desk?... and why are you applying lemon curd to my person?😲
Sherlock Holmes: 'Lemon entry' dear Watson.. lemon entry!😉
(Tastefully edited version)😟
Edited:
- Posts
- 98
- Likes
- 119
dxholdren
·Hublot.
- Posts
- 15,191
- Likes
- 44,630
Canuck
·Dr Watson: Holmes! How the devil did you solve that last case?😕
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary dear Watson... elementary!😉 Here... I'll show you! Watson, drop your trousers and pants and bend over the desk!
(Dr Watson does as e's told and Sherlock Holmes dips his finger in a jar of lemon curd and rubs a bit around Watson's arsehole)
Dr Watson: Ye gads Holmes! Why have you got your knob out?... and why are you rubbing lemon curd on my arsehole?😲
Sherlock Holmes: 'Lemon entry' dear Watson.. lemon entry!😉
🤬
