Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

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First permaban since reopening just got issued
 
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Public service announcement:

Many people enjoy this thread. Don’t be a douchebag and get it deleted because you posted something racist, pedophilic, homophobic, etc. we’re all adults here; please use some discretion.
 
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I've been saving up hundreds if not thousands of ridiculously humorous vignettes. The police have been called as they are overflowing my windows and hard drive, and spilling out willy nilly into the neighborhood. THANK GOD I have a place to put them again!