Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

M'Bob
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Wryfox Wryfox
YOU UNGRATEFUL CRETINS. I SLAVE ALL DAY CUTTING AND PASTING HILARIOUS MEMES FROM SOCIAL MEDIA TO GIVE YOUR PITIFUL MEANINGLESS LIVES A TINY BIT OF JOY, AND THIS IS WHAT I GET. HONESTLY THIS IS MORE THAN MY JOB'S WORTH TRYING TO SATISFY EVERYBODY. KEEP IT UP AND I MIGHT QUIT! THIS BASEMENT IS GETTING COLD ANYWAY, AND THE FOOD SUCKS. I HAVE TO FIGHT THE RATS TO GET ANY SLEEP AT ALL.

The food sucks? I hope your Mom doesn’t find out…
 
STANDY
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Wryfox Wryfox
YOU UNGRATEFUL CRETINS. I SLAVE ALL DAY CUTTING AND PASTING HILARIOUS MEMES FROM SOCIAL MEDIA TO GIVE YOUR PITIFUL MEANINGLESS LIVES A TINY BIT OF JOY, AND THIS IS WHAT I GET. HONESTLY THIS IS MORE THAN MY JOB'S WORTH TRYING TO SATISFY EVERYBODY. KEEP IT UP AND I MIGHT QUIT! THIS BASEMENT IS GETTING COLD ANYWAY, AND THE FOOD SUCKS. I HAVE TO FIGHT THE RATS TO GET ANY SLEEP AT ALL.

5D5D4B70-8271-4CE1-A4D5-2E00CEC0E3EA.jpeg
 
Vercingetorix
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Wryfox Wryfox
YOU UNGRATEFUL CRETINS. I SLAVE ALL DAY CUTTING AND PASTING HILARIOUS MEMES FROM SOCIAL MEDIA TO GIVE YOUR PITIFUL MEANINGLESS LIVES A TINY BIT OF JOY, AND THIS IS WHAT I GET. HONESTLY THIS IS MORE THAN MY JOB'S WORTH TRYING TO SATISFY EVERYBODY. KEEP IT UP AND I MIGHT QUIT! THIS BASEMENT IS GETTING COLD ANYWAY, AND THE FOOD SUCKS. I HAVE TO FIGHT THE RATS TO GET ANY SLEEP AT ALL.
You’re lying! How in the hell do you wind a Speedmaster when the rats have gnawed off your fingertips?
 
Wryfox
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Vercingetorix Vercingetorix
You’re lying! How in the hell do you wind a Speedmaster when the rats have gnawed off your fingertips?

I own the devil's Speedmaster, an automatic!

It keeps the lonely time, as the ticks slowly get louder as my time in the maelstrom of this thread binds me to my inevitable conclusion....an unhumorous post, the heretical ending I fear most.

Cue the funeral dirge....

Oh, and Merry Christmas!
 
vintage hab
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blufinz52 blufinz52
Wryfox needs a tag line under his user name. 'I got a million of 'em', maybe?
It should be about quality, not quantity.
 
M'Bob
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A husband asks his wife what she’d like for her 40th birthday. She says, “I’d like to be 6 again.”

The next day, bright and early, the husband gets her up, and takes her to a local theme park. He puts her on every ride, and a few hours later, she stumbles out with a headache and a queasy stomach.

Then, he takes her to McDonalds for a Happy Meal with extra fries, and a chocolate shake.

After, she waddles out and he brings her to the newest Disney movie.

When they get home, she collapsed into bed after taking a couple of aspirin. Her husband asks her lovingly, “So, how was it being 6 again?”

She said, “You idiot; I was referring to my dress size…”
 
WarrenEllis
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A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. The red one goes up to the bar, orders a gin and tonic. The bartender leans over them:
"All right, I'll serve you, just as long as you don't start anything in here!"
 
pdxleaf
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WarrenEllis WarrenEllis
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. The red one goes up to the bar, orders a gin and tonic. The bartender leans over them:
"All right, I'll serve you, just as long as you don't start anything in here!"

...or say anything negative.
 
Tony C.
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WarrenEllis WarrenEllis
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. The red one goes up to the bar, orders a gin and tonic. The bartender leans over them:
"All right, I'll serve you, just as long as you don't start anything in here!"

I'm a pedant (just wait until you post something about watches!), so if only the red one went up to the bar, how could the bartender have leaned over to "them"? 😁
Edited:
 
McKinley
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Tony C. Tony C.
I'm a pedant (just wait until you post something about watches!), so if only the red one went up to the bar, how could the bartender have leaned over to "them"? 😁

Obviously, the red jumper cable identifies as something else and prefers "they" "them" pronouns. :whipped:
 
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