- Posts
- 3,111
- Likes
- 23,857
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
- Posts
- 3,039
- Likes
- 14,163
Wryfox
·I told a Chemistry joke yesterday....I got no reaction.
- Posts
- 3,039
- Likes
- 14,163
Wryfox
·How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say S**T?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
- Posts
- 3,039
- Likes
- 14,163
Wryfox
·What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
About three inches.
About three inches.
- Posts
- 3,039
- Likes
- 14,163
Wryfox
·A murder has been committed.
Police are called to a house and find a man holding a five iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of his wife on the floor.
The detective asks, “Sir, did you kill her with that golf club?
“Yes, Yes I did” says the man.
“How many times did you hit her?”
“I don’t know, five maybe six times…..put me down for a five”
Police are called to a house and find a man holding a five iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of his wife on the floor.
The detective asks, “Sir, did you kill her with that golf club?
“Yes, Yes I did” says the man.
“How many times did you hit her?”
“I don’t know, five maybe six times…..put me down for a five”
- Posts
- 15,191
- Likes
- 44,629
Canuck
·Two young boys are in a semi private room in a hospital children's ward. One little boy asks the other one what he's in for, "Tonsils", was the reply. The kid answers, "No problem. I've had my tonsils out. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, they give you Jell-o and ice cream. What are you in for?" The kid answers, "circumcision." The reply was,"Ouch! I had that done right after I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!"
- Posts
- 7,092
- Likes
- 23,002
M'Bob
·The difference between Oo and oO
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: Oo.Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugsand the small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this: oO. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your asshole before prison ..."
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: Oo.Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugsand the small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this: oO. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your asshole before prison ..."
- Posts
- 7,092
- Likes
- 23,002
M'Bob
·Ever play "bucking-bronco" with your wife? When you're having relations with her on all fours, say, "Wow, this feels almost as good as your sister" and see if you can hang on for a minute.
- Posts
- 415
- Likes
- 678
ONEWATCH
·We call that "Rodeo Sex" and it's for only 8 seconds.😁
- Posts
- 7,092
- Likes
- 23,002
- Posts
- 415
- Likes
- 678
ONEWATCH
·That's the time required to stay on in Bull Riding!
- Posts
- 1,698
- Likes
- 1,653
- Posts
- 7,092
- Likes
- 23,002
M'Bob
·Brought to you by your equal-opportunity offender:
A Priest and Rabbi are driving a car. A young boy is spotted on the street. The Priest says, "Hey, let's screw him!" The Rabbi says, "Out of what?"
A Priest and Rabbi are driving a car. A young boy is spotted on the street. The Priest says, "Hey, let's screw him!" The Rabbi says, "Out of what?"
- Posts
- 3,817
- Likes
- 16,152
Fritz
·
speaks for itself... priceless.... might even be genuine as I got it from a kindergarten teacher.
- Posts
- 536
- Likes
- 763
Alex_TA
·A man buys a parrot. He takes it home.
Turns out the parrot was formally owed by a sailor, and is as loud and foul mounthed as they come. Any attempt to approach or calm the parrot down ends in a stream of terrible swearing and abusive language.
Finally the owner snaps - he grabs the bird, shoves it in the freezer, and slams the door. There is instant silence....and the owner, worried he has harmed the bird, opens the freezer door.
The parrot quietly steps onto his hand and says: "Dear Sir - I am deeply sorry for any offence I may have caused, and I promise forthwith to mend my foolish ways. I am indeed now a Reformed Parrot, and you will hear no foul language from me from this day forth."
The owner is amazed. He is about to ask why this sudden sea change, when the parrot adds, sotto voce: "May I ask what the chicken did to offend you?"
I've heard the same joke from a Russian. There the parrot shouted something against the government, and after spending some time in the freezer he said: "Now I know how cold in Siberia".
- Posts
- 536
- Likes
- 763
Alex_TA
·A guy met a nice girl in the bar, took her to the hotel and they are going to have sex.
The girl tells him with a smile: "I have AIDS". The guy laughed: "I have it too".
Afterwards the girl says: "It was a joke". The guy: "And I have no sense of humor".
The girl tells him with a smile: "I have AIDS". The guy laughed: "I have it too".
Afterwards the girl says: "It was a joke". The guy: "And I have no sense of humor".
- Posts
- 203
- Likes
- 187
blacktiger
·What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
What's blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding it's breath.
😜 Sorry. 😜
Pink fluff.
What's blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding it's breath.
😜 Sorry. 😜
- Posts
- 15,191
- Likes
- 44,629
Canuck
·For that, you should be sorry! 🤦 Two-thirds of a pun. P U!
- Posts
- 203
- Likes
- 187
blacktiger
·Two thirds is better than one third when it comes to jokes 😉
- Posts
- 1,364
- Likes
- 6,251
Just Livin
·- The ceiling in my house most likely isn't the best one in the world.
But it's up there.
- As an escapologist my father struggled to make a living
- How do you know if someone’s a vegan? They’ll tell you
But it's up there.
- As an escapologist my father struggled to make a living
- How do you know if someone’s a vegan? They’ll tell you
