Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

Darlinboy
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"I've finally finished writing my book on penguins!" said Tony to his buddy Sam as they sat hoisting a few at the local bar.

"That's great Tony!" responded Sam, "Any publisher bites?"

"Oh yes, tons," said Tony taking another pull on his beer.

"And that's the problem" he continued,"Those penguins bite really hard. Guess I should have written it on paper!"
 
mario_8778
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A husband lost his wife at a big super market!
As he was looking for her,he finds another guy that had lost his wife too!
"I have an idea"said the first guy!
"We will both describe our wifes and than will be looking for them,this way we will find them faster"
"Agreed" said the second guy!
"How does your wife looks" said the second guy!
"Well,she is a blond,tall with blue eyes and wearing a mini skirt" said the first guy!
"How does your wife looks like?"asked the first guy!
The second guy replied "The hell with my wife,let's go find yours"
 
Canuck
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Charlemagne1333 Charlemagne1333
352A0A5C-A777-494A-B32A-8ED181F4EC2A.jpeg

I suspected, but I had to Google Durex to be certain. Maybe she had methylene blue on the soles of her feet. Thanks a strange place to have a canker!
 
M'Bob
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Canuck Canuck
Maybe she had methylene blue on the soles of her feet. !

Or, her, ummm, posterior region…
 
blufinz52
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My wife asked why I didn't treat her as I did when we first started dating.

So I took her out dinner and a movie.

Then I dropped her off at her parents.
 
M'Bob
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Types Of Gals:

1. Bob, don’t frikkin’ go there…
 
blufinz52
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M'Bob M'Bob
Types Of Gals:

1. Bob, don’t frikkin’ go there…

No guts, no glory! 😉
 
Darlinboy
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A stranger rides into a Wild West town and finds it strangely deserted. Banging through the door to the saloon and looking around, he sees a lone barkeeper, but no other customers.

Walking up to the bar, he orders a shot of whiskey, and as the barkeep pours it, he asks, "Say pardner, where is everyone?"

"They've all joined the posse to go and hang the Brown Paper Kid," says the barkeep.

"The 'Brown Paper Kid'? Hell, that ain't no kind of name for a man," says the stranger. "Why do they call him that?"

"Well," says the barkeep, "it's on account of he wears brown paper trousers, a brown paper shirt, brown paper vest, brown paper boots and a brown paper ten-gallon hat. He holsters two six-guns on a brown paper belt, and he rides his horse on a brown paper saddle."

"Well I'll be danged ... I never heard of such a thing," says the stranger, shaking his head and motioning for another shot. "And what are they hanging him for?"

The barkeep is silent for a moment as he pours another whiskey and slides it over to the stranger. Then he glances left and right, and finally leans across the bar and whispers to the stranger...

"Rustling."
Edited:
 
DaveK
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I watched a documentary to find out how ships are put together.

It was riveting.
 
t268
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-Knock Knock

-Who's there?

-Interrupting guy with diarrhea

-Interrupting guy wi
-Out of my way, I have to poop!

Sorry for taking some class out of OF, but my kids love that one.
 
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