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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
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M'Bob
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!"What's the matter Tony?" asked his buddy Ian as they sat together at the local bar having a few too many beers. "You seem kind of down today."
"Yeah well, it's been a long f-ing day my friend," Tony responded. "Some jerk called me fat, stabbed me in the arm, then took all my money!"
"That's awful Tony!" sympathized Ian.
"It sure is," said Tony, downing his beer and sighing loudly. "I f-ing hate going to the Doctor's office!"
"Yeah well, it's been a long f-ing day my friend," Tony responded. "Some jerk called me fat, stabbed me in the arm, then took all my money!"
"That's awful Tony!" sympathized Ian.
"It sure is," said Tony, downing his beer and sighing loudly. "I f-ing hate going to the Doctor's office!"
Edited:
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Duracuir1
··Never Used A Kodak
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time flies
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have fun
kfw
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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Tad
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Omegafanman
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This reminds me of a UK 911 emergency programme. A young apprentice had a circular wood saw bind and jump back between his legs. Amongst ‘other’ injuries he cut a main artery in his thigh and everyone involved had a fight to save him. The good news is he made it and all bits are attached and working... but I recall him telling the story to camera and saying the understated line...... ‘’it was at that point I realised I had cut my chappy’’ (He seemed more worried about that than the artery ;0)
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M'Bob
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!Devil: This is the lake of lava where you will swim for eternity.
Tony: Actually, since we're underground, it would be magma.
Devil (rolling his eyes): For all intensive purposes, there is no difference - you'll be screaming just the same.
Tony: You've got that wrong too - it's "intents and purposes."
Devil: You do understand this is why you're here, right?
Tony: Actually, since we're underground, it would be magma.
Devil (rolling his eyes): For all intensive purposes, there is no difference - you'll be screaming just the same.
Tony: You've got that wrong too - it's "intents and purposes."
Devil: You do understand this is why you're here, right?
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M'Bob
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Appropriately in the “Jokes” section. This, and everything else that comes out of her mouth…
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vitriol
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For those of us who live on the other side of the ocean - why this Gazpacho Police is spying on the members of the Congress? Genuinely curious about the background.
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Archer
·For those of us who live on the other side of the ocean - why this Gazpacho Police is spying on the members of the Congress? Genuinely curious about the background.
In this case, Gazpacho is a malapropism. Gestapo was the intended comparison, which obvious hyperbole.
If she made “mistake” intentionally or not I guess is up for debate, but either way she comes off as ignorant.
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Farmer
·Pardon
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JimInOz
··Melbourne Australia
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pdxleaf
··In Art We TrustSo I got this wierd email today asking me if I wanted a 15 inch penis.
Obviously spam, I was just about to delete it and thought, what the heck, maybe I should ask my wife.
"Hey, honey, look at this email. Should I do it?"
She glanced at it and then said, "Why would you want a shorter penis?"
Obviously spam, I was just about to delete it and thought, what the heck, maybe I should ask my wife.
"Hey, honey, look at this email. Should I do it?"
She glanced at it and then said, "Why would you want a shorter penis?"
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Canuck
·Was it on the Omega board recently, that someone posted a story about an industrial accident involving a table saw kicking back and rupturing a guy’s aorta, and injuring his willie? He was on death’s door with the ruptured aorta, but he was more concerned about his willie!