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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

blufinz52
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Spaces between ladder rungs have increased because Americans are getting taller.

Manufacturers claim it’s due to climb it change.
 
hmmmcamu
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a suggestion for ........... ALL THE WATCH DEALERS, RE SELLERS, AUTHORIZED DEALERS .... to add to ur services offered
 
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mario_8778
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A guy called the police department:

Victim:Hello.
Police: Hello sir what is the problem?
Victim: I went at my home and entered and my wife was moping and she beat me
because I entered the home with my shoes!Please come over here she won't stop!
Police:Yes sir we are on our way!

After a while the Police was at the address the victim said to them and they were waiting outside.
After 10 minutes the guy calls again.

Victim: Hello,where are you,I heard the sirenes 10 minutes ago?
Police: We are outside your house,sir.
Victim: Than why you are not coming in?
Police: We are waiting for the floor to dry,sir!
 
Dan321
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My wife’s had her credit card stolen, I’ve not reported it yet as they are spending less than she does
 
Omegafanman
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I am hoping the eBay algorithm / google just picked up on my WW2 interest and recent ATA research…..
When this pops up in your inbox during breakfast it makes for an interesting conversation.
.
 
Knickers in a twist - Copy.jpg
Canuck
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Two folks attend an unfamiliar opera. One asks the other who the headliner is in the opera. The second person indicates that, according to the signs posted all over the lobby that the headliner must be NOSMO KING,
 
blufinz52
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Malapropisms. I was talking to a neighbor this morning and he was telling me about a disagreement he was having with another neighbor. He said he would be sending a 'cease and exist' letter to them. He was already worked up about his situation and I didn't have the heart to correct him. It made me think of a friend who, while we were discussing something or other, said, "Well, the 'crutch' of the matter..." When I told him is was 'crux', not 'crutch', he got a good laugh at himself over it.

Wonder what malapropisms others have heard people say.
 
Canuck
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A long long time ago, about the time of the advent of the mini skirt, I was dating a cute blonde who had the legs to do justice to the fashion. One evening, we were invited to a gathering of her friends. We rang the door bell, and as soon as the door was opened, she enquired, “well how is the orgasm going?” The host corrected her and said there had not been an orgasm, yet, but the orgy was going well!
 
DaveK
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Charlemagne1333 Charlemagne1333
I don’t trust stairs

They’re always up to something…

Given the choice of an elevator or the stairs, I’d choose the ladder.
 
UncleBuck
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blufinz52 blufinz52
Wonder what malapropisms others have heard people say.
"I just had my prostrate examined"
"what deployment strap do I need for my Speedmaster"

Wow, this could get ugly.
 
Syzygy
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UncleBuck UncleBuck
"I just had my prostrate examined"
"what deployment strap do I need for my Speedmaster"

Wow, this could get ugly.
For all intensive purposes, this decaf expresso is simply brown sad water...
 
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