Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

They would get water from me 😀

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench eating a bunch of candy bars when a middle aged guy sits down next to him.

Middle aged guy: Do you know that eating that much candy isn’t good for you.

Johnny: My grandfather lived to be 97.

Middle aged guy: Did he eat lots of candy bars?

Johnny: No, he minded his own fu🤬ng business!

A young doctor had moved to a small town to replace the retiring phsycian.


The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the patients could get to know him.

At the first house the woman complains, “I've been a little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left, the younger man said "You didn't even examine that woman, how did you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"

"I didn't have to examine her. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? Well, when I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the waste bin. I knew that was what probably was making her sick.”

The younger doctor said "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house.”

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She just didn't have the energy she once had and said "I'm feeling terribly run down lately.”

"You've probably been doing too much for the Church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is probably correct, she's very active in the church and no doubt overcommitted, but how did you get there?"

"I just did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it….

I noticed the vicar under the bed.”

Unfortunately not a joke. Municipalities who think that attracting these big box stores will be good for tax revenue should be aware of the latest tactics they are using ("Dark Store" property assessments), which are spreading...

For Cities, Big-Box Stores Are Becoming Even More of a Terrible Deal - Institute for Local Self-Reliance (ilsr.org)

And speaking of big box stores....

Customer at Home Depot: Excuse me, is this spray good for wasps?
Clerk: No it kills them.


When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer..it's "art" and "music"...
But when I do it...I'm "wasted", and "banned from Home Depot".

“I think my wife is cheating on me with my best friend.....he’s been pretty miserable lately.”

- Rodney Dangerfield