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DaveK
··Yoda of YodelersAs seen on a sign today:
I wanted to join the debate club, but my friend talked me out of it.
I wanted to join the debate club, but my friend talked me out of it.
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
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DaveK
··Yoda of YodelersAnd another sign, courtesy of Facebook
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Omegafanman
·A chicken, dog and a cat had all died and arrived at the pearly gates. They were allowed in and granted an audience with God who sat resplendent on a golden chair surrounded by angels. God asked the Chicken ''why should you enter the kingdom of heaven'' - The chicken said it laid eggs for a poor family every day and kept their yard clean of bugs. The Lord blessed the chicken and let it enter heaven.
He then asked the dog the same question - The dog replied it had served a family loyally, protecting them, their animals and also comforting the family as a faithful companion who wanted nothing in return. The Lord was impressed, blessed the dog and said it would forever lay at his feet. God then turned to the cat but before he could ask a question the Cat said…''I am very sorry but you appear to be in my seat!''
He then asked the dog the same question - The dog replied it had served a family loyally, protecting them, their animals and also comforting the family as a faithful companion who wanted nothing in return. The Lord was impressed, blessed the dog and said it would forever lay at his feet. God then turned to the cat but before he could ask a question the Cat said…''I am very sorry but you appear to be in my seat!''
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!Walking to the podium before a wildly cheering crowd, the man raised his arms in the air and gazed around the theater. He then lowered his arms and as the noise died down, the man glanced down at the three Omega watches worn on his wrist, then cleared this throat and spoke.
“I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to set foot on the moon," he said, then paused for a moment.
“Neil before me!”
“I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to set foot on the moon," he said, then paused for a moment.
“Neil before me!”
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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JimInOz
··Melbourne Australia
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time flies
·
have fun
kfw
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M'Bob
·
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pdxleaf
·Two guys were talking about the nature of people.
One guy says"I think most people are basically nice."
The other guy says, "Not only do I think most people are assholes, I can prove it." So he yells out to a crowd of people, "Hey asshole!"
Every single head turned to look at him.
One guy says"I think most people are basically nice."
The other guy says, "Not only do I think most people are assholes, I can prove it." So he yells out to a crowd of people, "Hey asshole!"
Every single head turned to look at him.
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!Dad: You know who I saw today?
Kid: Who?
Dad: Everybody I looked at.
Kid: Huh?!
Dad: You don't like my vision jokes? Too bad, that's how eye roll.
Kid: Hrmph… I'm not laughing at your eye rolling joke.
Dad: Why? Is it too cornea for you?
Kid: I give up!
Dad: I'm still the master, you're still the pupil.
Kid: Who?
Dad: Everybody I looked at.
Kid: Huh?!
Dad: You don't like my vision jokes? Too bad, that's how eye roll.
Kid: Hrmph… I'm not laughing at your eye rolling joke.
Dad: Why? Is it too cornea for you?
Kid: I give up!
Dad: I'm still the master, you're still the pupil.
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!Trigger warning … >Woke Humor<
Q. What do you call a wolf thats woke?
A. Awarewolf
+==========+
Q. What do you call a woke ‘droid?
A. R2Me2
+===========+
- I woke up this morning to find that I had changed into a cat!
Don’t ask meow it happened, I was sleeping.
Q. What do you call a wolf thats woke?
A. Awarewolf
+==========+
Q. What do you call a woke ‘droid?
A. R2Me2
+===========+
- I woke up this morning to find that I had changed into a cat!
Don’t ask meow it happened, I was sleeping.
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!2020 was a challenging year in many ways, but 2021 may be worse.
Jack woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.
“Oh my god!” he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, “What happened last night?!”
Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to give him a hug saying, “Oh don't worry honey, this is just my New Year’s resolution!”
Jack woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.
“Oh my god!” he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, “What happened last night?!”
Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to give him a hug saying, “Oh don't worry honey, this is just my New Year’s resolution!”
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rob#1
·
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Canuck
·The foreman of a section crew on a railroad whose name was Flanagan, was notable for his lengthy reports after sorting out train derailments. Finally, the powers that be chastised him for being so verbose.
So, following the sorting out of a bad derailment, Flanagan sent an unusually brief report, as follows:
“Off again, on again, gone again, Flanagan”!
So, following the sorting out of a bad derailment, Flanagan sent an unusually brief report, as follows:
“Off again, on again, gone again, Flanagan”!
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!Sam noticed his wife’s hearing was deteriorating and decided to seek medical advice for her.
“Doc,” he said to the physician, “My wife Ruth’s hearing is really getting bad. I find myself having to repeat something three or four times before she hears me.”
“She’s a bit sensitive about getting older, and I don’t want her pissed at me for bringing it up,” Sam continued, “So I’d like to get your opinion before I approach her again directly.”
“Well, there’s a simple trick you can try to determine the extent ofher hearing loss,” explained the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance - across the room perhaps - and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask again. Keep doing that until she responds.”
”That way, you’ll have some evidence you can share to help convince her to come in to see me for a check up,” he finished with a thumbs up to Sam.
That night, the Sam arrived home to find Ruth in the kitchen cooking. He thinks to himself, “what a perfect opportunity to try the doc’s advice and test her hearing”.
So, he stands in the doorway of the kitchen and asks, “What’s for dinner honey?”
No answer. Sam moves closer.
“Ruth, what’s for dinner honey?”
Still no answer. He moves even closer.
“Smells good, what’s for dinner sweetheart?”
Still his wife doesn’t answer. Edging even closer, Sam now wonders just how serious Ruth’s hearing problem may be. At this point, he is standing right next to his wife and asks one more time.”
“What’s for dinner honey?”
Ruth spins around, hands on her hips and fixes Sam with a glare that would pierce armor and screams…
“FOR THE FOURTH F🤬ING TIME - WE’RE HAVING CHICKEN!!”
“Doc,” he said to the physician, “My wife Ruth’s hearing is really getting bad. I find myself having to repeat something three or four times before she hears me.”
“She’s a bit sensitive about getting older, and I don’t want her pissed at me for bringing it up,” Sam continued, “So I’d like to get your opinion before I approach her again directly.”
“Well, there’s a simple trick you can try to determine the extent ofher hearing loss,” explained the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance - across the room perhaps - and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask again. Keep doing that until she responds.”
”That way, you’ll have some evidence you can share to help convince her to come in to see me for a check up,” he finished with a thumbs up to Sam.
That night, the Sam arrived home to find Ruth in the kitchen cooking. He thinks to himself, “what a perfect opportunity to try the doc’s advice and test her hearing”.
So, he stands in the doorway of the kitchen and asks, “What’s for dinner honey?”
No answer. Sam moves closer.
“Ruth, what’s for dinner honey?”
Still no answer. He moves even closer.
“Smells good, what’s for dinner sweetheart?”
Still his wife doesn’t answer. Edging even closer, Sam now wonders just how serious Ruth’s hearing problem may be. At this point, he is standing right next to his wife and asks one more time.”
“What’s for dinner honey?”
Ruth spins around, hands on her hips and fixes Sam with a glare that would pierce armor and screams…
“FOR THE FOURTH F🤬ING TIME - WE’RE HAVING CHICKEN!!”
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Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker
