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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

Darlinboy
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Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes, chuckling as he worked.

By now Mike's curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards. The man replied, "I'm sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asked Mike.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied with a grin.
 
Darlinboy
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One morning Emma woke up with a start. Her husband Jim asked what was the matter, she told him, "I just had a dream that you gave me a gorgeous diamond necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," Jim said with a mischievous grin.

That evening, Jim home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, Emma opened it - only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams”.
 
JohnWoo
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Two young wives decide they should have a 'girls night out' and arrange for their husbands to stay home and look after the kids.
They spend the evening at various bars and finally decide to drunkenly walk home.
On the way back both need a comfort break after all that alcohol, and climb over the wall into the church yard for privacy.
After relieving themselves one decides to use her panties to dry off, the other finds a nearby wreath to do the same.
The following morning the husbands are talking on the phone, one tells the other 'she was really drunk and worryingly had no underwear on'.
The other says 'mine was worse than that, when she got undressed a note fell out of her panties'.
It read 'The Fire Department is thankful for your service.'
 
Engee
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alam alam
meanwhile in Texas..

😀

Always find it curious how after all these years people don't understand the difference between climate and temperature.
 
Pun
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alam alam
meanwhile in Texas..

😀
Totally misunderstood issues. The placard is still valid and needed!
 
BlackTalon
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My understanding is the wind turbines in parts of Texas are damaged from the ice. My mom is outside Dallas as was largely without power and natural gas for 2 days.
 
Ascalon
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For everybody still living under lockdown:

A bloke walks into a bar.
Lucky sod.

😀

And now, everyone join me in a drunken chorus of...
"I get lockdown, but I get up again.
You ain't never gonna keep me down."

I'll get me coat.
 
alam
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Engee Engee
Always find it curious how after all these years people don't understand the difference between climate and temperature.

Awe 🙁.. I find it curious the sensitiveness a caricature meant as a funny/joke can bring to some people. 😀
 
Archer
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BlackTalon BlackTalon
My understanding is the wind turbines in parts of Texas are damaged from the ice. My mom is outside Dallas as was largely without power and natural gas for 2 days.

Sounds like someone effed up and didn't put in the proper weather packages then. Our wind turbines work fine in all temperatures with snow and ice, but are appropriately prepared for it clearly.

I read that only 13% of the power outages were from wind systems being frozen, as most was from natural gas and coal power stations...I guess they didn't prepare those very well either.

Those "100 year events" are all too common these days...
 
Engee
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alam alam
Awe 🙁.. I find it curious the sensitiveness a caricature meant as a funny/joke can bring to some people. 😀
Not really being sensitive, just observing that the gag only works by depending on this fundamental misunderstanding, otherwise it’s just not funny. 😀
 
Archer
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Engee Engee
Not really being sensitive, just observing that the gag only works by depending on this fundamental misunderstanding, otherwise it’s just not funny. 😀

It does still work on a "laugh at you rather than with you level" though...
 
Vercingetorix
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Really not funny at all if you live in Texas. I have been without power since Friday. Getting buy just fine but it’s 46 here not 21 like places in Texas.
 
redpcar
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I'm in the middle of it and able to chuckle a little because the end of the storm is near. Political jabs are fine with me. Water off a duck's back. News has it that some of the turbines did fail to produce due to ice but the error occurred when authorities didn't recognize the potential problems with "rolling blackouts" during a record cold snap with wind and ice. The rolling blackouts turned into a house of cards in which many water treatment plants and other essential services went off line.

upload_2021-2-17_18-32-34.png
 
Darlinboy
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If you don’t like a joke, don’t “like” it, or better yet, tell one of your own. 👍

Speaking of which...

Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away.

Plus, you'll have their shoes.

::rimshot::
 
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